Adam Pally, Jimmy Kimmel
Our top moments of the week:
13. Best Confession: Susan Sarandon stops by the Watch What Happens: Live clubhouse and she does not disappoint. In addition to admitting that she almost posed nude for Playboy while pregnant, our favorite confession has to be when she oh-so-casually states that she has been high at "almost all" awards shows -- except the Oscars, natch. To whomever is in charge of doing all those relentless random celebrity reaction shots from the camera at the Golden Globes, Screen Actors Guild and so on, you're welcome.
12. Weirdest Trade: When Centipede resurfaces on Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., they use S.H.I.E.L.D. operative (and former Centipede test subject) Mike by kidnapping his son to make a trade for Coulson. Why? "We want you to tell us about the day after you died," Raina (Ruth Negga), aka the girl in the flower dress, tells Coulson. It's because he's a Life Model Decoy, right? Seriously, just tell us already!
11. Worst Team Player: Nicole incurs the wrath of her hyper-critical husband Travis on The Amazing Race finale after she takes a whopping 21 tries to drop a bag of flour onto a massive target from a plane. "I felt a lot of anxiety and this overwhelming sense of disappointment in myself and I knew that Travis was having that same set of emotions," she says in the talking head. No kidding. In their subsequent helicopter ride, as she meekly looks to him to apologize, he can only shake his head in disgust. Um, how about a little support for your wife, dude?
10. Best Power Play: Looks like Jane's napkin list of demands won't be void after all. On The Mentalist, Jane mails Abbott a list of names — some blacked-out — which he says are members of the Blake Association that he pulled off the flash drive found in Bertram's wine cellar in Episode 7. He says he'll tell Abbott the blacked-out names after his contract with the FBI on his terms is up. The twist? Turns out the CBI wasn't able to de-encrypt the flash drive two years ago. "Yeah, but they don't know that," Jane tells Lisbon, who finally decides to come back and work with Jane, just like he wanted. Now what are we going to do about a couch?
9. First Base Award: There's nothing like family togetherness during the holidays, especially when that family togetherness is served with a side of absinthe! After Bert, unbeknownst to the adults, adds absinthe to Kate's special Swedish holiday drink, Glögg, on Trophy Wife, it doesn't take long for the notorious green fairy to take hold of Kate, Diane, Jackie and Pete. Pete shreds all his papers from an important case, Jackie teases her eyebrows to look like an elf, Diane falls (no, really), but best of all is when Kate's BFF Meg walks in to the house to find the foursome singing Ace of Base's "I Saw the Sign" complete with choreography, and Diane and Jackie singing into a roll of wrapping paper and a candy cane, respectively. Karaoke Christmas so needs to be an annual thing in this house!
8. Sink, Don't Swim Award: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills head to Palm Springs for a relaxing weekend, but naturally, things get tense with this group quickly, thanks to Brandi Glanville's big mouth. When Puerto Rican cast member Joyce refuses to take a dip in the pool, Brandi declares that Joyce "can't swim because you're a black person." Um, say what?! In her confessional to the camera, Brandi tries to defend her comment, but — shockingly — she does a pretty terrible job. "It was a joke and my black friends would have laughed like crazy because they don't go in the pool because they will get their weave f---ed up," she says. Nope, sorry. Even the most powerful floaties aren't going to save her now.
7. Toughest Victory: Moments after the Chicago Fire team learns that Firehouse 51 will no longer be closing, the team's celebration is cut short when an apartment building fire goes horribly wrong. After rescuing a woman from the flames, she tells Herrmann and Casey that her baby is still in the building and Casey goes back to save the child. However, he is hit in the head by a falling beam in the process and manages to run out of the building just fast enough to make sure the EMTs get the baby before he passes out on the sidewalk with blood stained across his face mask. The episode ends with an unconscious Casey hooked up to tubes and going into emergency surgery as EMT (and his secret girlfriend) Dawson looks on helplessly.
6. Best Flash in the Pan: On what will arguably be one of the best moments on television this season, Barry Allen fulfills his destiny during Arrow's midseason finale. Barry returns to Central City just in time for S.T.A.R. Labs' particle accelerator to malfunction. Barry is then hit by lightning, which blends with a variety of chemicals in his lab, creating the superhero we've been waiting for: The Flash! Now where's that uniform?
5. Using Their Heads Award: After converting to voodoo on American Horror Story: Coven, Queenie is ordered to burn Madame LaLaurie's head, but she doesn't want her to die as cruel and racist as she was the day she received Marie Laveau's immortality curse. Unsurprisingly, LaLaurie refuses to watch Roots, so Queenie tries to educate her with something she can't shut her eyes to: the civil rights anthem "Oh Freedom." As LaLaurie stars to cry and the spiritual plays, Hank begins a murder spree at Cornrow City until Queenie uses her powers as a human voodoo doll to shoot herself — and therefore him — in the head.
4. Double the Trouble Award: Did the Nashville writers learn nothing from the fan revolt against that cray-cray season finale? Apparently not, because the sophomore drama ends its fall finale with not one, but two possible fatalities that seem to come out of left field. First, after sleeping with his secret male crush, Brent, a visibly distraught Will is seen standing on train tracks with tears in his eyes as a train speeds towards him. Then, moments later, just after Rayna and ex-husband Teddy share a nice moment at the end of the music festival, Teddy turns to walk towards his car and suddenly a random guy walks past him and pulls out a gun. Teddy grabs the man's arm in time to protect himself, but the man still gets out a single bullet, which appears to hit his new wife Peggy.
3. Worst Reveal: The truth behind Operation Remington is finally revealed on Scandal! But it isn't quite as interesting as we would've hoped. It turns out, when Rowan pulled Maya off the plane, she tricked him into believing there was a bomb on the plane, so he had Fitz shoot it down. That's it, she fooled him. Wah-wah. At least the new big mystery should be juicy now that David Rosen has some evidence that Vice President Sally Langston killed her husband. Finally, something juicy! Or should we say bloody?
2. Friendliest Remix: Adam Pally loves hip-hop. There's just one problem: He can never sing along to the songs because of the N-word. "But I think I found a loophole ... that lets Jewish kids sing hip-hop without saying the N-word," he tells Jimmy Kimmel on his show. And that loophole is very PC-friendly (pun fully intended) indeed. Pally proceeds to (awesomely) perform Kanye West's "New Slaves" substituting the N-word with David Schwimmer's last name, while also dropping in some other Friends references for good measure. "All you Friends want all the same things / used to only be Schwimmers, now everybody playing / spending everything on Alexander Wang New Slaves," he raps. "You see, there's leaders and there's followers / but I'd rather be a Ross than a Monica." Can he rap to Ross' Sound next?
1. Most Brutal Death: Sons of Anarchy has never been shy about killing off major characters, but the show's latest casualty goes out in especially gruesome fashion. After Jax decides to turn himself in on the school shooting-related gun charges to spare Tara and the club any further prosecution, Gemma only hears half the story. Once she learns of Jax's pending arrest, she assumes Tara must have ratted him out. So, she sneaks into Tara's house, attacks her with an iron, drowns her in a sink of dirty dishwater and finally delivers the fatal blows by stabbing her repeatedly in back of the head with a carving fork. Thanks for ruining Christmas dinner!
What were your top moments?