Top Moments: Matt Damon's Weird Univision Spot and a Bachelorette's Heartbreak
Our top moments of the week:
11. Best Chemistry Lesson: When Tyra Banks stops by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, she gives Jimmy Fallon a lesson about the chemistry between a man and a woman who are posing together. After they each inhale a handful of mints, Banks basically starts grinding up on the very married Fallon and yelling words at him like "squeeze" and "breathe." She makes it worse by shoving her butt into his crotch and making him grab her neck. "My wife is gonna kill me," Fallon says afterwards.
10. Weirdest Critique: Sure, Anna Kendrick is an Oscar-nominated actress and, thanks to Pitch Perfect, a celebrated singer, but what pray tell does she know about dancing? Not a whole lot, as evidenced by her guest-judging stint on So You Think You Can Dance. After Malece and Alan perform, Kendrick admits that she doesn't know a whole lot (read: anything) about the technical side of their routine, but that doesn't stop her from showing the duo a lot of love, literally. "That made me want to take lessons and have an affair on a tropical island," she says, before telling them "I feel like you should have a baby." We know Fox is edgy, but this is still a network show, guys.
9. Message Received Award: After hours of cold-calling and searching for participants involved with the alleged war crime Operation Genoa on The Newsroom, MacKenzie tells Jerry that it's time to give up the ghost. Just as the News Night staff is about to call off their work on the potentially groundbreaking story, Jerry receives an 11th-hour fax from another staffer, who has singlehandedly uncovered a dozen tweets from a source basically confirming the operation. Who knew fax machines could make such an impact in the 21st century?
8. Best Identity Crisis: The Real Housewives of Orange County's Gretchen Rossi proposes to her longtime boyfriend, Slade, employing an elaborate ruse. Part 1: Gretchen singing "Marry Me" (an original tune), which Slade's DJ co-host plays for him at their radio station. The only problem? Gretchen's song is so Autotuned that Slade doesn't recognize his fiancee's voice. Where is Kandi Burruss when we need her?
7. Good or Evil Award: Is Teo an undercover agent or has he been corrupted by the ALC terrorist group? It appears at first to be the latter on Covert Affairs after Annie, with the help of Calder, captures Teo, who attacks her before escaping. Later, however, when Annie corners Teo, he shoots someone named Pedro Mendez, who turns out to be a devoted ALC member and has a bomb strapped to his body. So Teo's on our side after all!
6. Deadliest Stunt: Most sword-swallowers cautiously stick the sword down their throats, stand still and pull it back out. Not Alexandr Magala. During the America's Got Talent live rounds, the daredevil not only swallows a sword, but does a series of acrobatic tricks that makes the judges writhe vicariously in pain. And with good reason — Howard Stern reveals that he knows Alexandr internally cut himself with the sword during rehearsals and couldn't eat for two days. "This is real danger," he says. "This is what America's Got Talent is all about." Oh, really? Possibly stabbing yourself to death? Good to know.
5. Saddest Meltdown: True Blood takes vampire death to a new low when Nora succumbs to the genetically engineered Hep-V. As Eric holds her, Nora melts, Raiders of the Lost Ark-style, until she dissolves from his arms.
4. Most Epic Meltdown: The Real Housewives have nothing on Princesses: Long Island. A wine-soaked lunch at a vineyard gets completely out of control after Ashlee confronts Erica about who-knows-what-anymore, and it ends when Ashlee calls her mommy -- seriously -- to ask her to send a private jet to fetch her. "They were so mean to me," Ashlee sobs. "Mom, they were yelling at me so much. ... Mom? Help... me." Oh, yeah, Ashlee is 30.
3. Most Teary Breakup: In what might be the most uncomfortable episode of The Bachelorette yet, we are forced to endure Desiree's blissful blabber about how excited she is to see Brooks, completely oblivious to the fact he is about to dump her. "The idea of proposing to her at the end of this makes me really uncomfortable," Brooks explains. What follows is 30 minutes of awkward sobbing, during which Desiree admits that she doesn't know what it feels like to have her love reciprocated. The fake heartbeats added to the audio soundtrack are a subtle touch too.
2. Best Musical Parody: Serial sexter Anthony Weiner isn't so popular these days, as evidenced by the skewering he gets at the hands of Nicest Person Ever Kristin Chenoweth on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The Tony winner puts a twist on her Wicked tune "Popular" to skewer the politician. Sample lyrics: "Become a monk, though they've seen your junk/Now you'll play a different show/So let's start 'cause you've got an awfully long way to go/Long? Well..." Zing!
1. Best Game Night: Want to know why Univision topped the ratings in July? Because it does awesome things like this. While promoting his new film Elysium on Despierta America, Matt Damon plays a hilarious game of Spanish charades — language barrier be damned! And did we mention that he's also holding a dress-wearing Chihuahua named Halle Berry in his lap? Damon actually does pretty well guessing the movies (we never would have gotten Avatar). "It's been great having Halle Berry sit on my lap," he says at the end of the game ¡Calmate, Matt!
What were your top moments?