Game of Thrones
Our top moments of the week:
13. Most Fitting Introduction: Anyone who might have been worried that the three new cast members of Real Housewives of New York City wouldn't fit in can officially stop. At a dinner party at Ramona Singer's Hamptons home, Ramona tells Heather Thomson bluntly that she has a bad habit of interrupting people. "I felt the same way about you, so clearly, maybe we're trying to get a word in edgewise together because we have a lot to say," Heather replies, not missing a passive-aggressive beat. Ugh -- talking incessantly about talking incessantly? Thank God for the mute button.
12. Quit While You're Behind Award: If it were up to Ryan, his next one-on-one date with Emily on The Bachelorette would be at a gym. After Emily jokes about his previous comments about not getting fat and becoming a trophy wife, instead of apologizing, Ryan snaps, "God designed you to be a beautiful woman, so be a beautiful woman." He must be a goner now, right? Nope. He gets a rose. You're just asking for it at this point, Em.
11. Sweetest Tribute: We know Christian Bale can get very angry, but we see a much different Caped Crusader at the MTV Movie Awards. After a montage of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight clips, which includes scenes of Heath Ledger's Oscar-winning performance as The Joker, he chokes up a little. "Wow. Great to remember Heath at that moment," Bale says, as his eyes well up. "Wonderful to see Heath Ledger there."
10. Best Upending of Expectations: You'd think the Got Talent judges would know not to judge a book by its cover after Susan Boyle's ascent to superstardom. But when 19-year-old goth Andrew De Leon takes the stage, he initially draws smirks from the America's Got Talent judges. But then he belts out a pitch-perfect opera performance -- for the first time in front of an audience. "I'm just so used to being rejected and I'm not really good at anything, so this is amazing," he tells the judges. "It's not that you're good at anything," Howie Mandel tells him. "You are great." Needless to say, he advances to the next round.
9. Best Wooing: World champ martial artist Tim learned to dance in college so he could, you know, get the ladies. It looks like he's still using those tactics. To his So You Think You Can Dance audition, the Georgia boy carries a dingy backpack emblazoned with the face of his celebrity crush, Selena Gomez. He places the bag so she can "see" his performance — a mix of hip-hop, breakdancing and martial arts — and it pays off. Move over, Biebs. Once Timmy conquers Vegas, his next stop is Selena's heart.
8. Most Explosive Interruption: Jill is less than 24 hours away from heading to Africa for good on Royal Pains when she and Hank finally get some downtime during the Harborfest fireworks. Just when it looks like "Jank" will get to share one last romantic moment together, several fireworks hit the ground, causing an explosion near a tent full of people. Sure, everyone wants to go out with a bang, but...
7. Worst Wooing: When Dr. Dani finds out that she's going to be audited for back taxes (to the tune of $80,000) on Necessary Roughness, she tries her best to get the auditor in her favor. After noticing the wide array of sweets on his desk, she brings him homemade biscotti. She has the guy eating out of her hand, literally, until his throat starts to close up because of a severe hazelnut allergy. She grabs his emergency EpiPen and gives him a shot in the butt just in the nick of time. Those cookies crumbled any chance she might have had of a fair shake.
6. Mother Knows Best Award: Why was Maura given up for adoption as a baby on Rizzoli & Isles? Because she was dead! (Sort of.) Constance reveals to Jane that Maura's father Paddy — who feared that his father/mob honcho would kill Maura — asked Constance to secretly adopt Maura, and then he told everyone that his baby girl and her mother, Hope, died during childbirth. He even had a grave erected for "Baby Maura Doyle." "I always wondered why she never looked for me," Maura says through tears after Jane shows her the grave. Well, now you can look for her.
5. Funniest Burn: On the Today show, Matt Lauer follows the announcement that Chris Brown will be performing later in the week with a seemingly innocent comment about the sunny skies. "We're hoping the same kind of weather hits us tomorrow when we've got Chris Brown out on the plaza," he says, oblivious to his poor choice of words. But leave it to guest Chris Rock to pounce on it. "Did you say you hope the same weather hits you?" he laughs, an obvious reference to Brown's 2009 assault conviction on then-girlfriend Rihanna. "Should we fix that one for the West Coast?" Lauer jokingly asks. "We hope this weather doesn't smack us upside the head tomorrow," Rock continues. At least Elmo is there to diffuse the tension: "Elmo will make it wholesome," he tells Lauer.
4. Best Partner-in-Crime: On the season premiere of Pretty Little Liars, the girls are at the wrong place at the wrong time yet again. After hiding the fact that they were in the graveyard at the same time that Alison's body went missing, Aria, Emily, Hanna and Spencer receive tons of photos that show them at the scene of the crime. But if Mona, aka "A," is in the loony bin, who sent them? Let's see what the text reads: "Mona played with dolls. I play with body parts. Game on, bitches. — A." Yup, there's a new A in town.
3. Most Bone-Chilling Arrival: Dragonfire, a castle razed, an ally betrayed... none of these events on Game of Thrones' Season 2 finale even come close to its ominous cliff-hanger for pure tension and horror. Samwell is left to hide behind a rock when a massive army of eerie, pale-fleshed White Walkers make their way across the snow. As one leader passes, mounted on the reanimated corpse of a dead horse, he turns his empty, ice-blue eyes upon the poor lad. Winter has come.
2. Best Royal Flush: Color Jon Stewart unimpressed with Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee flotilla — or specifically, CNN's fawning, wall-to-wall coverage of the event, which anchors Piers Morgan and Richard Quest describe as "an orgy of excitement" and "Britain at its best." Cue the footage of a sad array of boats making their way down the Thames River on a dreary London day at the most glacial of paces. "Is this somehow the British equivalent of a monster truck show? Come down to the Thames and see a rotating boat on Sunday!" Stewart mocks on The Daily Show. "Obviously it's impossible to look at what's happening here and not think about what it represents: the sad last gasp of a once powerful empire," British Daily Show correspondent John Oliver adds. "Pretty harsh thing to say about your own homeland," Stewart says. Oliver quips: "No, I was talking about CNN."
1. Saddest Resignation: From the moment that Lane forged that check on Mad Men, we knew it would not end well for him. So after Don confronts him about the embezzlement and asks him to resign, Lane, in a ball of denial, pride, defiance, contrition and self-pity, is ready to take his own life — even more so after his clueless wife Rebecca buys him a very expensive Jaguar. When he fails to asphyxiate himself in the car, he types out a boilerplate resignation letter and hangs himself in his office, to be discovered and cut down — at Don's insistence — the following day by his colleagues. Although Lane's suicide is not that surprising, the sight of his dangling blue-gray corpse is still haunting us. RIP, Lane!
What were your top moments?