Johnny Depp and Jimmy Kimmel
Our top moments of the week:
11. Keep It Moving Award: On The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rosie sits down to address her cousin Teresa's most recent blowout with her brother, Joe. It's pretty much your standing Bravo-produced heart-to-heart, complete with alcohol, yelling and some tears. However, just as Rosie is lecturing Teresa about how their family should be lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down, Rosie makes a grand gesture (literally) that causes her to knock her drink all over her cell phone. Ever the trooper, Rosie quickly lifts up her phone and jokes that it's dead before going right back into giving Teresa her two cents. The Real Housewives — they're consummate professionals just like us!
10. Worst-Kept Secret: The locket that Cailin gave Maura last week on Rizzoli & Isles as a thank-you-for-donating-your-liver-to-me gift isn't just a family hand-me-down. Maura figures out that the jewelry was given to her biological mother Hope by Paddy in the early '90s, meaning that Hope had previously lied when she insisted she had no contact with the mob boss since Maura was born. Not only that, but Hope had started her clinic back then with $2.5 million in dirty money from Paddy!
9. Lamest Twist: Can't we just still say Melissa is "A" on Pretty Little Liars and move on to more pressing questions, like how is Haleb going to survive Caleb's move to Rosewood? But no — just when Melissa is looking more suspicious than ever, we discover she's been on Spencer's side all along. She may have been on the Halloween train, but only because she was unwittingly being forced to help Wilden attempt to assassinate the PLLs (it was the dead detective, not Melissa, who tried to kill Spence). Melissa claims she's been trying to protect Spencer the whole time, but would she go so far as to kill Wilden to do so? Spencer sure thinks so, but Hanna will need some convincing. She's dead set on the idea that her mom offed the cop.
8. Best Kiss: On The Bachelorette, Drew gets his first one-on-one date with Desiree, who still doesn't think he's all that sexy (because that's all that matters, obviously) — until he proves her wrong. Mid-dinner date, Drew suggests that she follow him and leads her into an alleyway, where they have an intense make-out sesh. Needless to say, a rose immediately follows.
7. Worst Timing: After months of letting their feud brew, John and Regina's long-standing differences finally come to a head on Switched at Birth. After John lectures Regina about her parenting skills, he reveals the real reason he'll always have a problem with her: she knew about the accidental switch for 13 years and didn't say anything! Royally ticked off, the two end their screaming match and part ways. However, when Regina tries to confront John one more time, she finds him lying on the kitchen floor with a big bump on his head and without any sign of a pulse. Looks like someone got a little too worked up!
6. The Truth Hurts Award: It appears Savannah's pregnancy predicament is over on Mistresses after she discovers she's bleeding. Whew, right? Not so fast! Her doctor informs her that she's still with child and must reduce her stress level for a healthy pregnancy, forcing Savi to finally come clean to Harry. "I'm pregnant, Harry," she confesses. "But it might not be yours." Is there such a thing as anti-congratulations?
5. Most Welcome Return: The return of Anna Camp to True Blood may not have been a surprise to viewers, but that doesn't make Sarah Newlin's not-so-loving welcome of her husband Steve any less powerful and fun. Sporting Texas-sized hair, Sarah has continued Steve's work, but has turned to politics (aka government funding against vampires) to further its vampire-hating agenda. We'll jump on the vampires-hate bandwagon, too, if it means more fabulous Sarah Newlin!
4. Deadliest Hot Shot: The first rule of Under the Dome Club: Don't fire a gun wildly at the dome. Paul, the crazed and cabin fever-induced police officer, demonstrates that is not a great idea after the bullet ricochets off the dome and hits fellow officer Freddie in the chest, causing him to quickly expire. Well, that's one less mouth to feed in the dome, right?
3. The Early Cuts Are the Weirdest Award: Bring in da noise, bring in da tears ... So You Think You Can Dance makes a bold choice by deciding, for the first time ever, to eliminate one guy and one girl before the night's performances instead of at the end. This forces the rejects to tap into their professionalism, reject their obvious heartache and perform their already rehearsed dances with their partners. And while Carlos' amnesia-filled trance-like dance yanks fittingly at the heartstrings, Brittany's library dance just leaves us feeling checked-out. What a depressing way to kick off a show that is so usually joyous.
2. Best Reveal: Dexter learns something very important during Dexter's final season premiere: Harry wasn't the only one who knew his secret. New psychologist Evelyn Vogel has come to Miami Metro to help track down this season's villain, the Brain Surgeon, or so we are led to believe. But in truth, she's also there to act as Dex's spiritual mother, and reveals to him that she knows about all about Harry's Code. Wait, what?! Here's hoping this relationship doesn't turn into twisted mother-son dealings a la Psycho.
1. Hottest Lip Service: Could we be more jealous of Jimmy Kimmel? After the host compliments his Jimmy Kimmel Live! guest Johnny Deep on his ageless beauty, the Lone Ranger star shows his gratitude by kissing Kimmel twice. "I'm done. I'm done," Depp quips. "Wow!" Kimmel says, fanning himself. "I've lost my train of thought." But Depp evidently isn't done and goes in for a third smooch. So you mean all we have to do get a kiss from Depp is to tell him he looks hot? Note taken. Lips balmed.
What were your top moments?