Desperate Housewives

Our top moments of the week:

13. Best Wigging Out: The Real Housewives of Orange County get together for an '80s party and — surprise! — there's drama when Slade stops by, just days after ripping Vicki and calling her ugly in his stand-up act. Vicki, complete with big hair, gets up to leave, telling Slade that her parents think she's beautiful and that she has never been mean to him. When Gretchen brings up Vicki's "deadbeat dad" comments about Slade, as well as Vicki's new boyfriend's own problems with paying child support in the past, a full-blown argument breaks out. Neon colors have never made us more depressed.

12. Best Reality Check: On Life's Too Short, Ricky Gervais calls up his Office pal Steve Carell to see if he'll do a guest spot on Gervais' new project. Carell only agrees to "consider" the role, which angers Gervais quite a bit. "He's a household name because of the show, and now I've got to beg him to do our guest spot. He should be begging me," he says before calling Carell "the luckiest f---ing actor." However, Gervais bites his tongue when he realizes the video chat is still on and that Carell heard everything. Who's going to do the begging now?

11. Double Trouble Award: On Celebrity Apprentice, the teams are tasked with creating a presentation for the Buick Verano (not Verona, Aubrey!). So racecar driver Michael Andretti will totally be project manager for the guys, right? Nope! Even after Donald Trump essentially orders him to step up during his whole spiel, Michael and the rest of the team elect Adam Carolla, and the guys lose. The men's increasingly poor decisions continue in the boardroom when Adam refuses to bring anyone else in for the elimination, forcing Trump to decide to fire two people — you know, just because he can. And so he cans Adam for the presentation and Michael for being so useless at something that was right in his wheelhouse. Lesson learned: The Donald shall not be defied!

10. Strangest War on Drugs: Who would've thought Smash would be the show to warn against the use of steroids? When Ivy's voice begins to break, she reluctantly takes prednisone to accelerate her recovery, even though she's worried about its freaky side effects ("mood swings, hair growth, hallucinations and weight gain"). But she's even more worried about being replaced by Karen. After popping six pills, Ivy's voice comes back and she launches into a bizarre, stare-directly-in-the-camera rendition of Jessie J.'s "Who You Are," before declaring that "it's going to be fine." "You sure? Because if I were you, I wouldn't be so sure of anything," Karen, dressed as Marilyn Monroe, says in Ivy's mirror. Yup, she's hallucinating! "What the hell was that?" Ivy says. Took the words right out of our mouth.

9. Reunited, and It Doesn't Feel So Good Award: At a funeral for one of his fallen clown pals on Modern Family, Cam, aka Fizbo, reconnects with Lewis (guest star Bobby Cannavale), his embittered former clown partner whose still miffed that Cam chose love over their very successful act. The two decide to revive Lewis & Fizbo for a birthday party, except Lewis doesn't get the memo that it's a one-time gig. When Lewis finally realizes that Cam has picked Mitchell over him yet again, he takes out his abandonment issues on Cam during their act, violently clubbing a helpless Fizbo with a frying pan and choking him on the ground. Next time, Cam, partner up with a sad clown.

8. Sweetest Act of Kindness: After failing to get on the same plane to Turin, Italy, as the other seven teams on The Amazing Race, good ol' Southern boys Bopper and Mark can't make up the hour-plus deficit and arrive to the Pit Stop last. But Phil Keoghan isn't the only one waiting for them at the mat. Border patrol agents Art and J.J., who bagged $10,000 for winning the leg, reveal that they want to share half the prize with Bopper, who's running the Race to win the $1 million for his ill daughter. "You're a good man and you're working hard for your daughter," J.J. tells a teary Bopper. "You're our friends for life, so that's what we want to do for you." The good news doesn't end there: It's a non-elimination leg! "Now you guys gotta be careful," Phil jokes. "You handed over some money and now you gotta race against them!"

7. There's No Place Like Home Award: When searching for a new place to live on The Good Wife, Alicia finds out that her old home in Highland Park — the one where she and Peter raised their children before his affinity for sucking prostitutes' toes was revealed — is back on the market. Alicia knows she can't afford it on her own, but she visits the old pad anyway. She seems to hold it together just fine until she finds the closet door with the markings of her children's heights throughout the years. Alicia is brought to tears, but she quickly gets the waterworks under control, turns off the light and abruptly shuts the door. Maybe you can't go home again.

6. Best Reunion: Cougar Town co-creator Bill Lawrence assembles many of his old Scrubs team for a hilarious, and very meta, reunion at the end of this week's episode. Sam Lloyd (Ted) enters Jules' living room to find his former co-stars Sarah Chalke and Christa Miller, in character obviously, on the couch. "Everyone here looks like someone from my old job," Ted says, explaining to Ellie (Miller) that the "old you hated me." "I kind of feel the same way now," Ellie replies. "That's exactly what old you would say," Ted says before Ken Jenkins and Robert Maschio appear, and Zach Braff stops by to deliver a pizza. Our only complaint: Where is Dr. Cox?!

5. Best Way to Break the Language Barrier: To promote his new flick, Casa de Mi Padre, Will Ferrell drops by Jimmy Kimmel Live and does the entire interview in Spanish. (In case you don't remember your high school Spanish, ABC kindly had English subtitles.) Ferrell — who mastered the language by "watching 400 hours of Dora the Explorer" — espouses the virtues of his movie, tapping it as an Oscar favorite next year("If a silent movie can win, why not one which is made in Spanish?" he says en español). Meanwhile, Kimmel (or "Yimmy") points out how their sit-down might "confuse, disappoint and possibly offend much of our Latino audience." One person who takes offense? Ferrell's co-star, Mexican actor Diego Luna, who tells the funnyman in English that he can't be his people, especially not with his "pasty white skin" and "crazy hair." Ferrell's comeback? "Lo siento. No hablo inglés." ¡Qué lástima

4. Most Inevitable Ending: Despite warnings all season long from the other women on The Bachelor, Ben proposes to super-villainness Courtney, who giddily accepts. However, it's not a completely happy ending just yet. On After the Final Rose, the couple reveal that they broke up while the season was airing after Ben saw all of Courtney's vindictive behavior, but they have since reconciled. (The heart wants what it wants, doesn't it?) "We're engaged. We're in a good place," Ben says. "Now that the main part of the show, and all the negativity is gone, it can only get better." Riiight. So who wants to place bets on how long it'll be before they wind up here?

3. Stay Classy Award: After reports broke that Jermaine Jones would be booted for concealing his criminal past, American Idol confirms the news — more than 90 minutes into the broadcast, natch — with a pre-taped package of Jones meeting with executive producers Nigel Lythgoe and Ken Warwick. Lythgoe and Warwick confront the "gentle giant" about his indiscretions (four outstanding warrants and two arrests just last year) before giving him the heave-ho. The footage uncomfortably ends with Jones' rehearsal performance and a nice, big shot of him being driven away in a white Ford SUV. (Hi, product placement!) Regardless of whether this was planned all along to drum up buzz and ratings (and if it wasn't, get some new vetting lawyers, Idol!), surely the show could've handled the DQ in a classier way than airing the meeting for entertainment's sake. But then again, these are the same people who made a cliff-hanger out of a 16-year-old girl's fall from a stage.

2. Most Heartbreaking Death: Mike's murder was the worst kept secret on Wisteria Lane — thanks, Nicollette! — but it doesn't make his final moments any less devastating for devoted Desperate Housewives fans. Susan tells Mike how much she loves him because he always takes care of others, and just as she goes inside to make dinner, Mike is shot by the same loan shark he fought with in order to protect Renee. Just as the bullet is about to hit Mike's chest, a montage shows every touching Susan and Mike moment from the past eight years. Say hi to Mary Alice for us, big guy!

1. Best Undeath: After weeks of tense conversations and one knock-down, drag-out brawl, The Walking Dead finally puts an end to Rick and Shane's battle for control as Rick stabs and kills Shane before he can put a bullet into Rick. But that's just the beginning: A few moments later, as Rick tries to explain to his son Carl what's just happened, a zombified Shane stands up and heads directly toward Rick for his first flesh feast. (Fortunately, Carl's target practice pays off, and he dispatches Shane a second time with a bullet to the head.) But the implications are huge: Can anybody become a walker? The finale's got some 'splainin' to do.

What were your top moments?