The Bachelorette, Bentley and Ashley
Our top moments of the week:
11. Worst Case of Denial: Country sweethearts Taylor Swift and Shania Twain show "there's a time to sing and a time to kick ass" when they parody Thelma & Louise at the CMT Music Awards. The clip shows the two on the road, playing with guns, driving off cliffs and bumping into the likes of Glee's Chord Overstreet ("Who do you think you are, Brad Pitt?" Shania asks dryly) and Kid Rock. The most bizarre cameo is by Donald Trump, who proclaims, "If I could harness the power of these two women, I could control the world!" No, Donald, you are not running for president and you will never, ever rule the (free) world.
10. Worst Diversion: With only two episodes left, The Killing takes a perplexing detour, spending almost the entire third-to-last episode of the season focused on Det. Sarah Linden's search for her runaway son. After an hour of fretting that her rebellious boy either ran away or was killed, Sarah finds him sitting outside their motel room. "Kick his ass," Holder tells Sarah. "No doubt," she answers. Quickly, please, so we can get back to solving this little murder case.
9. Business, Not Pleasure Award: Ben is alive! (Really, did you ever think that he wasn't?) Naturally, Covert Affairs continues to drag out the Annie-Ben saga when Arthur reinitiates the rogue agent into off-the-books CIA work — which is what he wants — but with the caveat that he can't see Annie. After Ben complains, Arthur makes an offer (or a challenge?) that he can't refuse: Play by the rules and Arthur will try to restore contact. Something tells us this will happen sooner than later.
8. Best Man: Who's the bigger man? Jon Cryer is. The Two and a Half Men star takes the high road discussing Charlie Sheen for the first time on The Late Show with David Letterman, calling his former co-star a "great friend." "He called you names though. He called you a troll," Letterman points out. "As friends do," Cryer quips. "We want nothing but the best for him. I want him to get healthy, I want him to stay sober, I want him to be reunited with his family. That would be the best thing."
7. Seeing Double Award: He may be an FBI consultant now, but White Collar's Neal Caffrey is still a world-class criminal first and foremost. So when he realizes he's being followed by FBI Agent Jones, he takes creative measures to shake his annoying tail. He posts a contest online telling guys to meet at a park wearing a dark suit and fedora (his trademark ensemble), for which the best dressed will win $500. Neal cuts through the park of lookalikes easily, leaving Jones to foolishly tap the wrong guy on the shoulder. The besuited contestant earnestly asks, "Did I win?" No, sorry, buddy, Neal had it in the bag from the start.
6. Most Elementary Diss: Christina Aguilera is more than happy to shove team member Beverly McClellan's powerhouse performance in Adam Levine's face on The Voice, but she sure has a weird — and gross — way of expressing it. After Adam says he is excited for his team to "destroy" next week, Christina counters by bringing up Adam's bed-wetting issues. "The only thing Adam can destroy is his pants, because I know he wet them when you came on stage, and he was like, 'What am I going to do about my own team?'" Um, at least he remembered to wear pants, Xtina! And we thought the leather chaps were dirrty!
5. Worst History Lesson: Sarah Palin — never one to admit a gaffe — sticks to her guns when Fox News' Chris Wallace calls her out on her Paul Revere blunder. (She claimed that the famous patriot was warning the British on his famous ride.) "You realize that you messed up about Paul Revere, don'tcha?" he asks, Palin-style. "Part of his ride was to warn the British that were already there," she replies. "That, hey, you're not going to succeed. You're not going to take American arms. You are not going to beat our own well-armed persons, individual, private militia that we have. He did warn the British." Uh, here's actually what went down. And lest we forget, this happened on her national tour to relay to Americans "how important it is that we learn about our past and our challenges and victories throughout American history."
4. Best Diversion: Poor Vicki decides to throw a party days after filing for divorce from her husband Donn on the Real Housewives of Orange County, but insists that no one brings up either "D" word at the soiree. Meanwhile, Tamra throws a cease-and-desist letter in Jeana's face, in response to her allegedly mean comments about Tamra in the press. Jeana moves toward Tamra to push her in the pool, but Tamra throws her cocktail straight in Jeana's face first. Good news, Vicki! Your divorce is officially so two hours ago.
3. Best Speech: Reese Witherspoon, an elder Hollywood stateswoman at the ripe age of 35, imparts some sage wisdom to her younger celebrity brethen during her Generation Award acceptance speech at the MTV Movie Awards (after already schooling Robert Pattinson on his botched dirty joke). "It's possible to make it in Hollywood without a reality show," she says. "When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape, you were embarrassed, and you hid it under your bed. And if you took naked pictures of yourself in your cell phone, you hide your face, people. Hide your face!" Oh, (bend and) snap!
2. Strangest Media Circus: In a lengthy, teary and frankly extraordinary spectacle, New York Rep. Anthony Weiner 'fessed up to tweeting scandalous photos to women with whom he's engaged in sexting relationships for years. To his credit, he admitted it all plainly and directly, perhaps even revealing too much. "They are all adults, at least to the best of my knowledge," he said of the women in question, as we cringed. As Weiner walked off the stage, Howard Stern cohort Benjy Bronk aptly underscored the ludicrousness of the whole endeavor by shouting: "Were you fully erect?"
1. Worst Suitor Ever: On The Bachelorette, villain-for-the-ages Bentley decides it's time to peace out, since he can no longer fake his love for Ashley. "I'm going to make Ashley cry," he says to the camera. "I hope my hair looks OK." The charlatan then unspools a fantastical tale about how he's leaving the show because of his 4-year-old daughter (who will surely enjoy watching this footage some day). He then tells Ashley he wants to leave their status with a "dot-dot-dot," rather than a period. (Groan.) "I talked to her like I would talk to a girl I'm really interested in," he says afterward. "The only difference is: I'm not f---ing interested in her." We're not saying Ashley brought this on herself, but Chris Harrison did try to warn her.
What were your top moments?