American Horror Story: Asylum
Our top moments of the week:
15. Best Reveal, Part I: No guests? No problem for Watch What Happens: Live host Andy Cohen, who puts on a one-man show in the clubhouse on Monday when Hurricane Sandy prevents his guest and audience from showing up. Wearing pajamas in front of a fake fire, Cohen plays clips, takes calls from his viewers, and — most importantly — reveals what his Real Housewives intro line would be: "I may be a man, but I fight like a girl," he declares proudly, staring straight into the camera. Best pajama party ever!
14. Best Shoutout: When Jane suddenly appears in the back seat of Penny's car on Happy Endings, Penny doesn't scream "Oh, my God!", but instead unleashes our new favorite exclamation of surprise: "CCH Pounder!" Later in the episode, she shouts "F. Murray Abraham!" under similar circumstances. We can play this game. C. Thomas Howell! J.K. Rowling! Try it!
13. Best Dream Come True: Hurricane Sandy derailed Jimmy Kimmel's plan for his first-ever show from Brooklyn on Monday, but by Wednesday, Kimmel was there, grinning from ear to ear and interviewing his longtime idol David Letterman. Letterman, not one to take compliments well, squirms when Kimmel shows pictures of his Late Show birthday cake and license plate. "Did your parents step in? These are warning signs, Jimmy," Letterman says. But Kimmel is on a roll: He invites Dave to stay over at his house. Late-night slumber party? Nobody tell Leno about it, but Andy Cohen is local... and already in his PJs!
12. Best Entrance: For her first date with George, Suburgatory's Dallas pulls out all the stops, including crafting one heck of an entrance to greet him. Dahlia dims the lights, and new high-wattage bulbs spotlight Dallas, who is wrapped in a boa and shaking what her momma gave her to Warrant's "Cherry Pie." Then suddenly, the music changes to something more magical (and less '80s) as she emerges from behind a screen to reveal an entirely different outfit, rose petals falling softly around her. What, no magic trick?
11. Most Intriguing Return: Mason Treadwell pops up again on Revenge for the first time since Emily burned his house down and this time the probing gossip author has some fresh intel. After noticing Amanda's scar-less back -- the real Amanda has a scar from her foster days -- he confronts the new mom about her faux identity and tosses her a folder full of papers. "You may be many things to many people, the latest, it would seem, young mother to an infant boy," he says. "But the daughter of Kara Wallace and David Clarke? That is one thing you most definitely are not." How much you wanna bet that Treadwell's the dead man in Jack's boat?
10. Worst Anniversary Curse: Poor Sabrina Bryan! The former Cheetah girl — who is already known as the victim of Dancing with the Stars' most shocking elimination ever, as the show constantly reminds us -- suffers another early exit on All-Stars. Adding insult to injury: She had a perfect score, was on top of the leaderboard, and her elimination falls on the same week -- Week 6 -- and exactly five years to the day from her first elimination on Oct. 30, 2007. Guess some things just really aren't meant to be.
9. Best Reveal, Part II: Dr. Whale's identity is finally revealed on Once Upon a Time! (Though for those super-sleuths who knew that James Whale directed both Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein, we salute you!) Yes, Dr. Whale is actually Frankenstein, whose creature (aka Regina's dead love Daniel) ripped off his arm in a rage. Thanks to Mr. Gold, who makes Whale admit that magic is better than science, he gets his arm back, but when will he get his brother (aka the original creature) back as well?
8. Best Feeding Frenzy: Damon takes Elena to what can only be described as a "vampire rave" at a local college campus on The Vampire Diaries to give her a very different kind of education — that of feeding on humans. When Elena finally bites into a frat boy, Damon asks her how she feels. "Great ... I want more," she says. Watch out, girl, you know what they say... about the freshman 15!
7. Worst Scare Tactic: On New Girl, Nick visits Jess' latest place of employment — the local haunted house. However, when Jess jumps out and scares him, he clocks her in the face. The punch not only causes some major bruising, but causes the other haunted house workers to retaliate, including a martial who kicks Nick squarely in the crotch. Maybe next year, they can try going to a pumpkin patch instead?
6. Sickest Skeleton in the Closet: Michonne was right! For those of us (we mean Andrea) taken in by The Walking Dead's newly introduced Governor's charms, we found out that he's scarier than any walker. Not only did he gun down stranded soldiers in order to steal their weapons and supplies, but we also discovered something much more disturbing: a sick trophy room full of tanks featuring the heads of people sacrificed for the greater good of Woodbury. At least zombies don't hoard their victims' remains!
5. Best Mind Trick: Castle's innocence comes under serious scrutiny when the team on Castle starts investigating a woman's murder and all signs seem to point to Castle having had an affair with the victim and then killing her himself. Obviously, he didn't do it. It's actually 3XK, the serial killer who got away, who framed Castle for the murder so that the cops would come after him and he could fake his own death. It's a pretty cock-eyed scheme, but hey, the guy had us thinking Castle was a killer. Kudos.
4. Worst Co-Host: The X Factor finally kicks off its live performances and introduces its new co-hosts. And while Mario Lopez is his dimpled, bland but competent self, Khloe Kardashian struggles to find the balance between professionalism and personality. When she isn't flirting with "Sexy Simon" Cowell, she is hounding judge Demi Lovato to elaborate on a critique or making vapid commentary while yanking up her low-cut bodice. Makes us wonder what's Brian Dunkelman is up to these days.
3. The Show Must Go On Award: To keep their fans safe in the hours leading up to Hurricane Sandy, both David Letterman and Jimmy Fallon tape their New York-based late-night shows without audiences on Monday. This means performing their monologues to empty seats and no laughs, minus the hilariously awkward, sputtered chuckles from members of their crews. Who knew bombing could be so patriotic?
2. Best Interrogation: Homeland again does the unthinkable by having Marine-turned-terrorist Nick Brody finally confess all of his misdeeds. And they didn't even have to torture him! (Though Brody's Quinn-stabbed may beg to differ.) No, all it takes is Carrie turning off the cameras and calmly talking to the Brody she met last year — the Brody who is reasonable and who let his fatherly instinct dissuade him from blowing up the vice president. Or put another way, the Brody Carrie wants to leave his wife and kids and run away with her. Wait, what? Yeah, Carrie's either still has issues or she is a very good operative. So Brody is back on Team America.... for now.
1. Most Gruesome Wake-Up Call: Note to self: Never insult Dr. Arden. American Horror Story: Asylum's resident nympho Shelley learns that the hard way when she openly laughs at his, ahem, shortcomings as a man. After being knocked out by Arden, Shelley wakes to discover that the not-so-good doctor has amputated her legs. (It gets worse: Chlöe Sevigny tells us that Dr. Arden isn't done with his modifications yet.)
What were your top moments of the week?