Our top moments of the week: 13. Best Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card:
Leo is once again up to no good on Chasing Life
, and this time he drags April along for the ride. When he takes a hot sports car out for a test drive when a dealership's salesman isn't looking, the car is reported stolen. When the cops catch up and are about to bust them, Leo starts having a seizure related to his brain cancer, and the two get off relatively scot-free. 12. Best Gamble:
Derrick's plan to backdoor Devin on Big Brother
hits a minor snag when he is selected to play in the veto competition, but fortunately Devin's former ally Donny manages to knock him out of the casino-themed game. With the house united, no one is shocked when Donny uses the POV on Jocasta, and Derrick announces Devin as his replacement nominee. It seems like the old saying is true: The house really does always win. 11. Worst Goodbye:
After Angelo's car accident at the end of last week's episode, Switched at Birth
delivers another shocking blow when we learn that he's braindead and won't be able to survive his injuries. Although Bay, Daphne and Regina want to keep him alive, Bay eventually discovers Angelo's will, details his wish to be taken off of life support. The final moments of the devastating hour show his tubes being removed as the Vasquezes and the Kennishes tearfully look on. R.I.P. Angelo! 10. Worst Dilemma:
After Neil gets into a tussle with Grace's escort on Satisfaction
, he accidentally winds up with the guy's phone and answers the call, if you know what we mean. His secret side gig is working out pretty well until the end of the pilot when the phone starts ringing, and it's from... Grace! What's a husband pretending to be his own wife's escort to do? 9. Best Happy Ending:
Where, oh, where has the Masturbating Bear gone? His deathbed. Just when things look like a lost cause on Conan
, Stephen Colbert's rival "rip-off" masturbating bear comes to the rescue. As Colbert's bear gets a little slap-happy on a video monitor, the O.G. M.B. is, uh, risen! Don't you love a happy ending? 8. Best-Kept Secret:
Secret's out! Sort of. After Annie gets into a car accident on Covert Affairs
, she comes clean to Auggie about her mysterious ailment: She has an infection in her cardiac muscle tissue that Eyal had helped her manage with injections, and she can't let the CIA see her updated medical records. Convinced she'll be reprimanded by Joan the next day, Annie braces for the worst, but Joan just chastises her for keeping her concussion from the accident a secret. Say what? Yup, Auggie changed her chart!
7. Worst Day Ever: Every moment ups the ante of cruel dramatic ironies on The Leftovers as Rev. Matt Jamison continues to win big, but lose more until finally we see a happy ending in sight. After being knocked unconscious by a brick to the head, Matt arrives at the bank to deliver the money to keep his church. But as he soon learns, Matt isn't 10 minutes late. He's four days late. And the Guilty Remnant has taken over the one thing that gave his life purpose.
6. Best Pause: For his 14th and final All-Star game appearance, New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter gets a touching tribute from both his teammates on the American League team, as well as his opponents on the National League side. When Jeter goes up to bat for the first time, he not only gets rousing applause from the fans, but pitcher Adam Wainwright places his glove down and steps back from the mound to applaud Jeter and give him time to soak in the love from the crowd. Who needs the World Cup?!
5. Worst Plan: Fresh out of electroconvulsive therapy on Masters of Sex, Barton gets rejected by Margaret when he still can't face her during sex. Distraught that the shock treatment still hasn't "cured" him, Barton attempts to hang himself in the basement, only to be found flailing and choking by Margaret and their daughter. Crying and screaming, the two frantically cut Barton down, as he gasps for air and heartbreakingly weeps on the floor.
4. Best Speech: There's not a dry eye left in the house (or at home) when Michael Sam, who will be the first openly gay NFL player when he debuts for the St. Louis Rams this season, accepts the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the ESPYs. Sam starts off by quoting the tennis legend himself: Start where you are, use what you have and do what you can. "Those were words to live by. Whether you're white or black. Young or old. Straight or gay," Sam says, before sharing that a gay woman told him she never considered suicide again after he came out in February. "To anyone out there, especially young people feeling like you don't fit in, or are not accepted, great things can happen when you have the courage to be yourself."
3. Best Girl Power: Take it from us, the American Ninja Warrior course is no joke. You'd never guess that though if you watch Kacy Catanzaro's run. The 5-foot-tall former gymnast casually destroys the obstacles like it's NBD, running up a wall, scaling the salmon ladder faster than Arrow and conquering the terrifying, out-sized spider climb like a boss to become the first woman to complete the finals course. We'd have sympathy arm pain if our jaws weren't already bruised from hitting the floor.
2. Best Exit: Not all three guys were lucky enough to get a fantasy suite invite on The Bachelorette. Unsure of a future with Chris, Andi decides it'd be better for him to leave right then and not wait for the rose ceremony. But instead of getting angry or bitter, our fan favorite acts like a true gentleman, telling a tearful Andi that he respects her feelings. Can we put in our bid for Chris to be the next Bachelor?
1. Best Tear-Jerker: Although 24: Live Another Day's finale has plenty of crazy action sequences (see also: Jack chopping off Cheng's head with a katana!), the episode also breaks our heart. After his daughter Audrey is killed, President Heller finds himself unable to fully mourn because of his even bigger tragedy: his Alzheimer's. "I won't remember anything that happens today," he says. "I won't remember anything that happens, period. I won't remember that I had a daughter who died in such a horrible fashion." So, the next season will be about Jack breaking out of Moscow and finding a cure for Alzheimer's, right?
What were your top moments?