Love in the Wild

Love in the Wild (Wednesdays, 10/9c, NBC) is a trashy beach novel of a TV show. It is salacious in nature (10 women and 10 men of moderate-to-extreme attractiveness are thrown together in a Costa Rican paradise to partner-swap their way to true love) but not in practice (so much closed-mouth kissing). It is kind of mean (each week the last picked — that is, least desired — from each sex goes home) but then again completely goofy (at one point during a river-rafting challenge, someone confused a stick for a crocodile). It is mindless enough to be ideal summertime programming.

Catch up on today's news

To give you a sense of how silly this whole thing is, we're counting down the top 10 most ridiculous things these ridiculous (though as yet even tempered) people said on Wednesday's ridiculous premiere:

10. "I'm a self-proclaimed meathead, myself." — Dawn (But what does she have to say about her own redundancy?)

9. "It's kind of like being in an ice cream shop. There's just so many flavors!" — Heather (This show is tearing down civilization. Soon people will want to marry ice cream cones.)

8. "I just met Mike like two hours ago and here we are! I honestly feel like I've known him for ... months and months." — Samantha (Months are a long time!)

7. "I'm ready to kiss and get down!" — Samantha (Just FYI: Samantha, a ringer for Rock of Love 2's Kristy Jo, was the biggest purveyor of closed-mouth kissing on the episode.)

6. "Building the raft was horrible. I want to get on the Internet and Google 'how to build a raft,' because I don't want to look like a pansy." — Miles (Some would argue that the impulse to Google such a thing is already a sign of pansydom.)

5. "I've seen movies where ants end up eating people alive. I hope those ants aren't in Costa Rica." — Jason (They are. And so is that giant ant from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, as you will find in the upcoming shrinking challenge.)

4. "My thighs were on fire, burning so hard. But I mean, hey, I just met this girl. I don't want to complain about my groin being sore."  -- Miles (Note: Complaining about his groin being sore was exactly what he did.)

3. "Before my checklist was like, OK, you gotta be hot, you have to be funny, you have to have a good personality, you have to be hot. I know I'm only 26 years old, but my biological clock is ticking and so my checklist has definitely changed and there's still in there hot, but not as much." — Vanessa (So, wait: hot or not?)

2. "I live in San Francisco, but I definitely think it's a dead zone in terms of single men. I don't know where all the men are hiding there!" — Heather (Probably in gay bars.)

1. "I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with." — Vanessa (Clearly, reality TV is the perfect place for that! Things always work out so well on these things!!!)