Keeping up with the Kardashians
After six long seasons of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, they're finally starting to feel like a family. And as it turns out, the Kardashians are becoming equally as comfortable around all 3.5 million of us too.
It wasn't until the Season 7 premiere (Sunday, 9/8c), that we realized how similar our dynamic with the Kardashians is to the dynamic of our real-life families: there are likable and normal(ish) members, and then there are others we wish would go away, somewhere really far, and never come back.
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At this point, it feels like we know them well enough to judge their character, likability and decision-making skills. So we've combined that information with events from the premiere, and graded them on a scale of A to F, much like a report card. Check out their scores below.
Bruce Jenner: A+
Poor Bruiser. It's a wonder he's able to put up with one of them, let alone an entire houseful. Despite always being treated like a second-class citizen, Bruce remains calm, cool and collected. He's a martyr, and the most sympathetic character on the show. For this, he gets a well-deserved A+. "I know where I'm wanted... with the dogs," he says on one occasion. Rather than putting up a fight when Kris reprimands him for eating chips on the couch, he heads to Khloe's house and eats chips on the couch there. "I can't even sit on my own furniture. No matter what I do, I can't win," he laments. When his teen daughters Kendall and Kylie refuse to acknowledge his existence because they're too busy with their iPhones, he piles them into the car and buys them frozen yogurt. All Bruce wants to do is play golf, fly his little remote-controlled helicopters and eat chips on the couch in peace. Is that so much to ask?
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Khloe Kardashian: A-
Imagine if your mom attempted to get you to take a DNA test, intervention-style (on television), by having a DNA specialist show up unannounced to a family dinner. What would you do? Even though Khloe was obviously infuriated, she took the situation in stride. "I don't mean any disrespect," she says to the DNA guy, "but I don't want to take a test and I didn't know this was happening. Sorry." Regardless of the rumors questioning her biological father, Khloe manages to stay level-headed. "What my mom needs to truly understand is that I don't have a doubt about who my family is. I've had the blessing of having two phenomenal fathers and I don't need a DNA test to prove that to me."
Kourtney Kardashian: B+
Props to Kourtney for (at least on camera) still being heavily involved with D-A-S-H, the clothing boutique that the three sisters supposedly co-own together. While Kim is presumably off gallivanting with Kanye, and Khloe is busy cheering on Lamar, Kourtney (who is several months pregnant, mind you) goes location-scouting with realtors to find a new retail space for the store. Let's be honest: She could easily pay someone to do this for her, so she deserves credit for at least pretending to still be involved.
Scott Disick: C
The only reason Scott's premiere performance earned a C? We didn't get to see enough of him! Scott went from being the most hated, loathsome individual reality television had ever seen in Season 1, to a self-deprecating and lovable character in Season 7. He's willing to do whatever it takes to make the Kardashian Queens happy. Here's to hoping for more Scott this season.
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Kim Kardashian: D-
Here's something unusual: Kim is a virtual non-entity during the premiere. Here's something not so unusual: The only screen time she does have, she spends complaining. Kim's gripe? Not being involved in D-A-S-H, the sisters' clothing store. "Kourt, that's something that, like, we're all, like, supposed to do together," she whines. Girlfriend needs to learn how to let go. Between her perfume/photo shoots/clothing lines/shoe company/appearances/endorsements... maybe she should give it up, and let her sister have something to call her own.
Kris Jenner: F
Kris always tries to be the glue that keeps the family together, but she ultimately ends up tearing them apart. After Kris released a memoir detailing an extramarital affair she had 25 years ago, tabloids began speculating the identity of Khloe's biological father. Khloe seemed emotionally distraught. Kris's solution? Surprise Khloe with a DNA test in front of her entire family, the camera crew, and later, the millions of people that will eventually watch the show. I'm sorry, Kris, but you Fail with a capital F. It's one thing if you want to put your daughter's fears at ease — it's another to do it on your internationally televised reality program.
Keeping Up With the Kardashians premieres Sunday at 9/8c on E!
Will you tune in?