Kate Gosselin says she regrets berating and bossing around her estranged husband, Jon, on episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8, conceding she was "wrong to treat him that way."
"I was very hard on him and I would never deny that," Gosselin told Natalie Morales on Monday's TLC special Kate: Her Story. "I felt very much like a lot of weight rested on my shoulders."
The matriarch was often captured chewing out her husband on the early seasons of the show and says critics were right "to a degree" that she emasculated him. "Was it good, healthy and wonderful? No," she said. "Am I proud of those moments that were captured? No."
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Gosselin said she doesn't have much sympathy for her ex, though, when it comes to his grievances about missing out on his youth because he became a father at 23. "I think once you become a parent, it's too late to worry about what should've, could've, would've been done," she said.
Things between the couple got bad "so quickly," the 34-year-old said, noting that their goals and visions had changed. She said she knew they were over on a plane flying home, but did not specify when. "I remember thinking, 'We're not going to recover from this," she said. "At the end of the day, I looked at him and he looked at me, and we were just completely different people."
She added, "I still wake up every day, and I think the phone will ring and it'll be the old Jon."
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Addressing reports of infidelity, Gosselin said it's "disgusting" Jon suggested she was having an affair with her bodyguard, Steve Nield, whom she travels with because "people have a lot of contempt and hate for me and at the end of the day, I need to come home safely to my kids."
As for Jon's personal life, Gosselin said his relationship with Hailey Glassman is "another one of the things that I am dealing with." The women met once a few years ago for two minutes when Gosselin received a free tummy tuck from Glassman's father, Dr. Lawrence Glassman.
Gosselin said she understands Glassman's claims that Jon is emotionally abusive. "I know that he has a lot of anger."
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Gosselin maintains their reality show did not cause the pair's split, but said the series has been a blessing — as it provides a source of income — and a curse because of "all the negativity out there." Despite the relentless media scrutiny and a "hate-hate" relationship with the paparazzi, she won't step out of the spotlight.
"We're too far gone," she said. "Stepping out of the spotlight when it's prudent to do so is a good thing. ... I would go back and do [the show] again."