A tearful Kate Gosselin said she was hurt to see her estranged husband, Jon, out with other women and feels a lot failure over the demise of their 10-year marriage.
"I was shocked, but those things, to be very honest, that's his life and they don't affect me directly at this point," Kate told Meredith Vieira on Monday's Today show. Since the couple announced their split, Jon has been spotted out with Hailey Glassman, the daughter of her plastic surgeon, and former Star reporter Kate Major.
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Kate says she is holding up "as well as can be expected," but often wakes up and feels "a lot of failure." "I think I've turned the focus on myself," she said in her first television interview since her June divorce announcement. "I want my children to see a mother who is committed to her children, who is determined, who has integrity, perseverance, and never gives up. I want my children to see that everything I've done for them is out of love."
The mother of eight continues to wear her wedding ring not to upset her children, who know it as "my 'married to daddy' ring." She will take it off when the time is right, she said. "I've done a trial day here and there. It's very gradual. I just want all of this to be very gradual."
Kate also denied Jon's recent claims that she initiated the breakup in October, but declined to get into specifics of the timeline, only to say that it is "very clear" they have different sets of goals. In the second part of her interview, she said she feels their marriage would've ended with or without their series Jon & Kate Plus 8
. "I feel like if you're asking if this was an end result of the show, if this was a product of the show, I feel like it would've happened anyway. Cameras on, cameras off."
Watch clips from Jon & Kate now
Asked if she still loves him, Kate paused before answering, "When I think back to the Jon that I knew, yes, suffice it to say."