Dominic Monaghan, Kara DioGuardi. Edward James Olmos
We have a confession: Sometimes the order of this list is totally random — especially on a week as packed with huge moments as this one. How can we choose between a historic presidential address, two different TV professionals cursing on air, and Battlestar Galactica's Admiral Adama doing something slick? Which would you choose? (Really? That's pretty nerdy, but don't feel bad. We liked the Battlestar moment too.) From Obama to Adama, enjoy our Top Moments.
11. Strangest Shifting of Loyalties: Now-impeached Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is at his most squirrelly on The View, where he explains that he had considered Oprah Winfrey as Barack Obama's Senate replacement until those mean old federal prosecutors indicted him, costing us the best-est senator ever. Then again, he did have to endure eight minutes of Joy Behar, who warns him not to curse on the air, then curses herself; pretends to nod off as he makes his self-serving case; and paws his little-boy hair (which, admittedly, everyone in America would like to do, just once).
10. Best Decrees: In accepting her Screen Actors Guild award, Meryl Streep classily reminds us that there is "no such thing as the best actress" or "the greatest living actress," just in case we were thinking it was her. She then orders someone — anyone — to develop a movie for Viola Davis, her talented Doubt co-star. So get on that, Hollywood.
9. Worst Edit: Okay, we believe that The Bachelor's Shannon really did throw up the butterflies in her stomach last week, and that she waited up for another contestant to return from an all-night date... and her sad plea for a rose spoke for itself. But, come on, which producer tricked her into holding a plastic knife on-camera? The Bachelor isn't the place for legitimate nutjobs; that's American Idol. (Watch the latest episode on our Online Video Guide.)
8. Best F-Bomb: Should federally bailed-out Wall Street bankers get bonuses? "We shouldn't be talking about it," CNBC talking head Charles Gasparino says. "It's a stupid f---ing... it's a stupid debate." Everyone cuts him off, just as he was expressing our thoughts exactly.
7. Nicest Gesture: It's awfully sweet of Lost's Desmond to name his son after his old friend, Driveshaft rocker Charlie Pace, but isn't it a bad omen to name him after a doomed man who ultimately drowned? Oh, and we're loving the super-out-there theory that baby Charlie grows up to be Charles Widmore. In the context of Lost, it's just ridiculous enough to be... totally feasible. Except that it would make Widmore his own grandfather. So maybe little Charlie Hume grows up to be Charlie Pace? This season's time-travel wrinkle makes it all possible. (Watch the episode on our Online Video Guide and gives us your own theory.)
6. Freshest Bluff: When trying to extract the location of a mutinied ship from rogue Vice President Zarek, Battlestar's Adama plays the "we've-got-a-file-with- all-your-dirty-laundry" card. Little does Zarek know that the file the admiral plops at Zarek's feet contains reports about laundering — not money-laundering, but clothes-washing. Zarek inevitably folds. (See what we did there?)
5. Most Emotionally Scarring Moment: When Nip/Tuck's Dr. Troy can't bring himself to go through with a preemptive double mastectomy on a woman who doesn't even have breast cancer, she takes matters into her own hands by whipping out an electric knife in the waiting room and cutting off one of her own breasts. Can things get any grislier on Nip/Tuck? We're not sure we want to know.
4. Firmest Presidential Resolve: Newly elected 24 President Allison Taylor proves her mettle by refusing to cave to terrorist demands, even after witnessing (from the Oval Office window, no less) the coordinated collision of two commercial jets. Upon making her stance clear to her partly agog Cabinet, she vows not to fail the American public, adding, "And neither will you." (See the episode on our Online Video Guide.)
3. Most Pointed Defense: Martha Stewart takes to the airwaves to defend herself after a disgruntled — or deeply amused — employee leaks to media gossip website Gawker a list of what appears to be Stewart-approved writing implements for the workplace. Stewart explains that employees can bring whatever pens they want from home, but that the number of varieties that will be provided by the company has been halved. "In these economic times, let's just narrow it down to four or five pens," Stewart explains. Also, let's devote our time to issues that really matter, like how to bring visual harmony to one's spice rack.
2. Longest Olive Branch: Speaking of issues that matter, President Obama makes his first televised appearance from the White House on Tuesday — but not for any of the American broadcast outlets. Instead, he appears on Dubai-based Al Arabiya, an Arab-language channel, to tell his audience, "Americans are not your enemy." Despite past mistakes, he says, he hopes to restore "the same respect and partnership that America had with the Muslim world as recently as 20 or 30 years ago."
1. Best Sign of Things to Come: There's the occasional moment during American Idol's audition rounds, hidden among the dreck and the disillusioned, when a singer steps forth and shows us how good the final rounds might be. One of those times came Tuesday, when 22-year-old Anne Marie Boskovich got the judges drunk on Colbie Caillat's "Bubbly." Hollywood, here we come! (And how's that Viola Davis project coming along?)
What were your Top Moments?