Bill Skarsgard

[WARNING: The following contains spoilers from Hemlock Grove's Season 2 finale. Read at your own risk.]

We need to talk about Hemlock Grove. After the show spent the entire first season following homoerotic best friends chase down a "snatch"-eating monster, we didn't think it possible for the Netflix drama to jump the shark. But the Season 2 finale is cutting it really close.

The 20 most absurd moments in Hemlock Grove's first season

It turns out that since Letha's death, Roman's been "taking care" of their baby (I put "taking care" in quotes because his idea of  being a good father is locking the child up a secret room and never acknowledging her existence). Oh, and the baby has freaky blue eyes. Why? Who knows/cares?

Then that dead blonde girl from Orange Is the New Black (who is apparently named Miranda in this show) crashes her car in front of Roman's house and decides to stay with him, even though he's a complete stranger who very clearly wants to drink her blood. She seems smart.


Blondie then starts lactating and freaks out, exhibiting the first sign of rational thought since showing up. But rather than running away, she uses her supersonic code-breaking skills to finagle her way into the secret  room where she finds the baby and is like, "Might as well breastfeed!"

As time goes on, Blondie begins noticing weird things happening around the baby. Not limited to the fact that her breastmilk turns to blood.

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Oh, and the baby keeps making people's (and monkeys') heads explode.


Blondie discovers this is because the town Doctor has been pumping her milk full of nonsense to affect the baby's psychic abilities or something (they really don't explain this well). She decides the only proper course of action is to jump off the top of the White Tower with the baby in tow, killing them both because... sure, that solves things.


Everything was going according to plan until A DRAGON CLAW SNATCHES THEM UP!


Yes. That's right. It turns out that the doctor was actually a lizard monster wearing some sort of human suit. (Don't ask questions. Just accept it.) Flying Doctor Lizard Man then takes Blondie and the baby and flies off while Roman, Peter and Destiny look on in various states of WTF.

So that's how Hemlock Grove's second season ended. Because this show is utter perfection and it should never change.

What do you think of the Hemlock Grove finale?