The best and worst moments of the Golden Globes:
12. Best Shout-Out to the HFP-Who? Here's how Best Supporting Actor winner Christian Bale (The Fighter) thanked the ragtag group of journalists abroad known as the Hollywood Foreign Press Association: "I never really knew who those guys were. I'd always leave the press junkets going, 'Who are those awful characters in that room?' I usually just sat there and they'd be arguing amongst themselves... And now I know who you are, and I realize how wise and spectacular and perceptive those guys really are! ...What a bunch of characters."
11. Best Backhanded Compliment: Jane Lynch shared her win for supporting actress in a TV comedy with Glee executive producer Ian Brennan. "I am nothing if not falsely humble," Lynch said. "So I would like to share this tonight with Ian Brennan, one of our three writers. He created Sue Sylvester, and every heinous, insane line that comes out of my mouth was written by him. He's a deranged young man... This is yours too (although I will be holding on to it)."
10. Best Shirt: Sorry, Tilda Swinton. Although your tailored men's shirt was, well, interesting, Temple Grandin upstaged you with her signature embroidered Western wear. Bonus points for nabbing one of the night's best tributes from winner Claire Danes: "I have to thank you on behalf of the literally millions of lives that should be dignified and improved by your genius."
9. Best Moment of Truth: Of all the zingers Robert De Niro floated while accepting his Cecil B. DeMille Award, this one rang the most true: "Thank you for this extraordinary honor. I was very, very moved and gratified when you made the announcement two months ago, well before you had the chance to review Little Fockers. It's OK, we all have our jobs to do."
8. Best Future Awards Show Hosts? Tina Fey and Steve Carell could read the phone book and be funny. Here's how they talked up the nominees for best screenplay: "Like the one about the mountain climber," Fey began. "I would've given my right arm to have written that," Carell replied. Zing! "The true life story of social networking and how it ruined our ability to interact one on one," Fey said. "I heard about that movie on Facebook from a friend I never met," Carrell replied. Zing!
7. Most Adorable Hubby Love: It's a tie! Katey Sagal, who won for lead actress in a drama series, thanked her outspoken husband, Sons of Anarchy creator Kurt Sutter. "Kurt Sutter, sweetheart, I love you. I'm so glad you're the boss of me," she said. Later on, Annette Bening, who took the prize for lead actress in a dramatic film, also gave a winking shout-out to her husband, a fellow Golden Globe recipient. "To the 1962 winner of the Golden Globe for most promising actor, my husband, Warren Beatty."
6. Best One-Man Banter: Dare we say he wrote it himself? In presenting the award for lead actress in a comedic film, Robert Downey Jr. proved why he is the sexiest actor in Hollywood. Who else could have pulled this off? "I consider myself a veteran of sorts," he said. "I don't know if an actress can do her best work until I've slept with her." He then rattled off the names of all the nominees, including 22-year-old Emma Stone. "If I could, I'd give it to all five of you... at once."
5. Sweetest Presenter: What was as precious as The Big Bang Theory's Jim Parsons win for lead actor in a comedy series? The look on the face of his co-star and presenter Kaley Cuoco, who got to read his name from the envelope. Her "Oh my God!" encapsulated the surprise and joy of geeks everywhere.
4. Cheekiest (or Grossest?) Hefner Joke: Among Ricky Gervais' opening monologue zingers was his priceless imaginary boudoir conversation between 84-year-old Playboy founder Hugh Hefner and his 24-year-old fiancée Crystal Harris: "Just don't look at it when you touch it." Hey now, Ricky, this is a family show!
3. Most Likely to Get Laid Later: While accepting the award for lead actress in a dramatic film, the newly expectant Natalie Portman took a moment to thank fiancé Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed Black Swan. He also made a cameo as the dancer who says he wouldn't sleep with Portman's character. "He's the best actor," she said. "It's not true. He totally wants to sleep with me!"
2. Best Response to Receiving a Standing O: The entire audience stood as Michael Douglas, who recently beat cancer, took the stage to present the award for best dramatic film. "There's gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.
1. Best Use of a Thank-You Speech: Chris Colfer used the bulk of his time to talk to those Glee inspires. "To all the amazing kids watching our show," he said, "and the kids our show celebrates, who are constantly told 'no' by the people in their environments, by bullies at school that they can't be who they are or they can't have what they want because of who they are — well, screw that, kids!"