The Hills, The Shield, Dancing with the Stars
Crazy accents! Unexpected nudity! Shocking betrayals! No, it's not Thanksgiving with the in-laws — just another thrilling edition of our Top Moments. We didn't forget football, just figured it was too obvious.
12. Most Surprising Line: In a One Tree Hill episode packed with twists (Peyton has cancer?), revelations (Brooke's attacker) and cliff-hangers (Owen and Milicent?), we also get to see a whole new side to our favorite friend from Dawson's Creek — James Van der Beek, snorting coke off Lucas' script.
11. Most Awkward Introduction: Who thought it was a good idea to have serial relapser Scott Weiland introduce Pink singing "Sober" at the American Music Awards? The setup would have been tasteless even if he hadn't slurred his way through it. See the awkward moment in our Online Video Guide.
10. Most Graceful Winner: After countless award show snubs, Kanye West offers his Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Male AMA to Lil Wayne. Oh, and says he wants to be Elvis.
9. Best Journey Through History: The History Channel's Valkyrie: The Plot to Kill Hitler sets a high bar for the upcoming Tom Cruise film that also takes its name from Operation Valkyrie. After a dramatic summary of Hitler's rise to power, the documentary gives an astonishing account of an attempted coup by some of Hitler's highest-ranking officers — and the high price they paid.
8. Best First-Date Hail Mary: Robin's blind date on How I Met Your Mother demonstrates "The Naked Man," a last-ditch dating maneuver guaranteed to work two times out of three: He surprises her, nude, and hopes she'll find him funny and charming enough to reward with pity sex. Marshall says it best: "Mr. Wang's is back in business?"
7. Best Impersonation: Saturday Night Live's ever-reliable Bill Hader delivers another brilliant send-up, this time of Dateline NBC's Keith Morrison. We always thought there was something weird about that guy, but couldn't say what it was until Hader nailed it. Tim McGraw plays a man who says in an interview that his wife murdered the neighbors, drawing a long, gleeful, throaty oooooaaahhhhOHHHnoooaHHH-type sound from Morrison. McGraw: "Do you get some strange delight in all this?" Morrison: "I do." Watch it in our Online Video Guide.
6. Coolest Ride: Before a funhouse hall-of-mirrors faceoff we've seen many times before, Chuck shows us something we haven't: A fight between our hero and a baddie on board a Gravitron, that carnival ride that spins so fast it makes you stick to the wall. Our one complaint is the ride ending so soon.
5. Slickest New Demeanor: When we met The Hills' once imbecilic-seeming Justin Bobby, we had no idea he was capable of the articulate rebuke he delivers to Audrina this week — while sipping red wine, no less. We like his new slicked-back hairstyle, too — was he secretly this suave all along? Okay, he calls her "dude," a couple times. But that's a good way to signal her feminine wiles aren't wiling.
4. Most Devastating Double-Cross: The instant Michael's call to Agent Self goes unanswered, the suspicions of a savvy few Prison Break viewers are confirmed: The man who recruited the "Scofield Seven" to snatch Scylla never intended to reward them with freedom, but instead ran off with the hard drive, to sell to the highest bidder.
3. Best Big Reveal: We finally know who the True Blood killer is! Rene, the suspiciously accented Cajun charmer, seems to have had a beef with vampire sympathizers. But this week's episode also sets up Season 2 with the arrival of the mysterious Mary Ann — who vibrates?
2. Best Series Finale: Be careful what you wish for, Vic Mackey! In The Shield's last episode, the corrupt cop gets the immunity agreement he so desperately needed. But along the way, he loses one partner to suicide and another to prison. Plus, he'll probably never see his family again. In an episode packed with great moments, our top wasn't Mackey alone at the end (in a tie! in his cubicle!) or the haunting murder-suicide tableau. It was Walton Goggins' desperate Shane, on a pay phone with Mackey, realizing that the only ammunition he had left to use against Vic was to tell him, with relish, that his wife had betrayed him to the cops. A pathetic but amazing scene, played out with both characters on the phone, no less.
1. Quickest on Her Feet: Despite stiff competition from Lance Bass and Warren Sapp, consistent performer Brooke Burke is crowned queen of the Dancing with the Stars parquet. It may not be a surprising victory, but it is well-deserved.
What were your Top Moments?