South Park, Tina Fey
Things took a turn for the serious this week, even on Comedy Central: South Park accused Disney of using the Jonas Brothers to sell sex to young girls. Jon Stewart blamed CNBC for contributing to the country's financial woes. Good thing 30 Rock unveiled the Funcooker — we've been starving for good times.
10. Best Costume: Jimmy Kimmel dresses up as Rosie O'Donnell for a guest spot on The View, where he's immediately asked about his break-up with Sarah Silverman: "I'm a 41-year-old man with a bra filled with koosh balls — what do you think happened? I'm an imbecile. She couldn't date an imbecile anymore."
9. Go-Long Award: Countless characters disappear to unseen car accidents or trips to college, so props to Friday Night Lights for giving paraplegic former Panther quarterback Jason Street a touching and realistic exit from the series. Even tough-guy Riggins can't keep the tears out of his eyes as Jason tells Erin he's secured a job as a junior sports agent and is ready to provide for her and their son Noah. Touchdown.
8. Baddest Luck: Doomed and drug-dealing Walt's short-tempered business associate, Tuco, brings Breaking Bad's Season 2 premiere to a jittery finish by abducting Walt and his partner, Jesse, before they can poison him. Can't a man sell crystal meth and die of cancer in peace?
7. Best One-Liner by an Animated Character: Kenny and his new girlfriend begin wearing purity rings after attending a Jonas Brothers show — and soon find themselves hanging out with other sexless couples, discussing Grey's Anatomy. "A ring that says you'll be together but not have sex," one confused character says. "Isn't that called a wedding ring?"
6. Best Revenge: There is life After the Final Rose. Scorned Bachelor fiancée Melissa Rycroft turns up on Dancing with the Stars with just 48 hours of practice and mesmerizes the judges with a score of 23. Living well — and dancing well — is the best revenge.
5. Hardest Truth: Grey's Anatomy's Izzie wanted to know what was wrong with her. And then, she didn't. "Metastatic melanoma" is the diagnosis, giving "Patient X" a five percent chance of survival. Will Alex's love and vision of a future together prompt Izzie to fight? Will Kenny and his girlfriend be watching?
4. Best Advice: Oprah Winfrey, who like Dr. Phil devoted an episode to domestic abuse, tries to find something positive in the ugly situation between Rihanna and Chris Brown. "We need to evolve from this moment in their life, and not just be voyeurs in their life and talking about what they should and shouldn't do. We should use this as a moment to allow our society to begin to grow."
3. Best Battle of the Basic Cable All-Stars: With no legal standing to go after big bankers, Jon Stewart uses The Daily Show to prosecute CNBC's Jim Cramer on charges of disingenuous blowhardery. "I understand you want to make finance interesting, but it's not a f------ game," he says, later calling Cramer's hyping of troubled financial firms "disingenuous at best and criminal at worst."
2. Funniest Ending: 30 Rock's conclusion includes: Dr. Spaceman trying to force a bear-costumed Jenna's head onto the coffee table so she'll sleep, because if she doesn't, she'll die from her addiction to military-strength amphetamine; a cut to Tracy Jordan's commercial, where he displays his Funcooker; and Liz almost burning the place down. Why does this qualify as a "moment"? Because it all happens in a matter of seconds.
1. Subtlest Ending: Skipping any "remember the good old days?" moments, George Clooney and Julianna Margulies make a low-key return to ER to convince a grieving woman (guest star Susan Sarandon) to donate her brain-dead grandson's organs. In the final scene, Dr. Ross and Nurse Hathaway learn that their hard work has saved the life of "some doctor" in Chicago — unaware that it's their old pal, Dr. John Carter (Noah Wyle).