Charlie Sheen

At least it was short.

Charlie Sheen brought his "Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour" to Radio City Music Hall in New York City on Friday night. To call it a show would be using the term very loosely. It was a bare-bones, one-hour dialogue with an interviewer in which Sheen showed a total inability to tell a humorous story about his career. Perhaps because nearly every anecdote involved cocaine and prostitutes, it was hard for Sheen to recall the details.

Releasing 8,000 bees on John Cusack in an Indianapolis hotel room. Hiding coke in his underpants during an airline flight with Nicolas Cage. (Sheen says he picked up the term "goddess" from Cage. Fascinating.) Something about giving CPR to a supermodel in a heroin-induced coma. Sheen could not spin any of these tales coherently. This is why actors need screenwriters. And brain cells.

The morning zoo deejay-type interviewer tried to get Sheen going with questions about his life and career.

"Tell me about marriage," he asked. "Anything you want to say?"

"Yeah," Sheen replied. "I suck at it."

A video montage that included comic riffs on Sheen's media blitz — ending with a water aerobics routine done to an REO Speedwagon song — wasn't much better. The more Sheen reveals of himself on the tour, the more we see a sad, middle-aged guy out of touch with the culture — and reality. The jeers and early exits by audience members built as the hour went on.

Even sadder is how Sheen is using his shows as a public forum to beg for his job back on Two and A Half Men. He invited the show's producer Chuck Lorre to Sheen's Sunday performance at Radio City. "I want my job back," Sheen said. It prompted an audience member to shout, "I want my money back."

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