CSI, 24, American Idol
TV came roaring back this week, with a brand-new American Idol and the start of 24. They were both entertaining and everything, but did everybody catch that flat-out miracle in New York City? Or two rather high-profile goodbyes? Relive and discuss them all in our Top Moments. Plus, look out next week for our special presidential inauguration coverage on Tuesday: Watch a live video stream of Obama's swearing-in on TVGuide.com, follow us on Twitter (http://twitter.com/tvguide) and submit your Top Moments for inclusion in our special edition.
10. Most Secure Heterosexuals: On TruTV's The Principal's Office, two 17-year-old guys are called in for a lecture about dancing too close with girls at a school event. Pushing the issue — and proving their total lack of gay panic — they test out a series of touches and embraces to see which ones are okay. It all feels very Borat-like.
9. Best Return(s) of Favorite Character(s) — In 24's two-night, four-hour (and fast-paced, return-to-form) season opener, we're treated first to the return of Tony, then Bill, and then all-time fan favorite Chloe. So, are they bad guys or good guys? We don't know, and we don't care. We're just glad they're all back after a too-long hiatus.
8. Most Awkward Moment: Ryan Seacrest forgets that one of the main things about being blind is not being able to see. When a visually impaired Idol contestant makes it to Hollywood, Seacrest offers him a high-five, then remembers to explain what he's trying to do. Watching it, we kind of regretted out own ability to see.
7. Best Fringe Science: Today interviews the parents of a 3-month-old boy who recovered after doctors found a foot — with toes — inside the newborn's brain tumor. Experts say it would stop any brain surgeon in his or her tracks. Wait, were they making a foot joke?
6. Dumb-but-Funny Award: On Saturday Night Live, Neil Patrick Harris hosts a talk show devoted to stars with two first names. Fred Armisen gets to play David Lee Roth, Abby Elliott turns up as Jamie-Lynn Spears, and Michaela Watkins does her best impersonation of former Old Christine colleague Julia Louis-Dreyfus — until she admits she has two last names.
5. Biggest Blowup: Usually the more sensitive of the The Biggest Loser trainers, Bob Harper loses it when contestant Joelle gives up on the treadmill, erupting into a flurry of F-word-laced demands. His explanation? "I was possessed by Jillian Michaels this week."
4. Most Em-bare-ass-ing Moment: Julia catches Nip/Tuck's Sean naked and standing upright — sans wheelchair — but misses seeing him in the diaper provided by a baby fetishist. Man, what a weird show this is. But get it? Em-bare-assing?
3. Worst Partner: Patrick Swayze welcomes his new FBI partner on The Beast by shooting him, letting a drunk pin him down, and shoving him against a car. But how good is it to see Swayze in ass-kicking mode?
2. Best Departure: CSI's crew helps solve the grisly case of a serial killer, because, as Nick puts it, "it feels like Grissom's last big game and I want to win it for him." With a CSI (Laurence Fishburne) handpicked to join the team, Grissom leaves the lab with just a nod to Catherine Willows. But where's he going with such peaceful confidence? To the thick vegetation of a Costa Rican rain forest — and the arms of a smiling Sara Sidle. A kiss. (Oh, and on the same night, President Bush says goodbye to the nation, too.)
1. Best Made-For-Hollywood Breaking News: We're amazed that everyone aboard survived the "Miracle on the Hudson" plane crash. Of course, those of us who are entertainment-obsessed immediately started taking stock of the story's Hollywood-y elements: The hero pilot with nerves of steel. The happy ending that calls out for a John Williams score. And don't forget ... the similarities with Lost? Think about it: A plane crashes. Passengers survive against the odds. They recover from the crash on an island, inhabited by strange characters, where incredible things happen. Are New Yorkers "The Others?" We're not sure. But we do know they're grateful to be part of a feel-good breaking news story for the first time in months.
What were your Top Moments?