Today's News: Our Take


BUSTED

Brandon Boyd, the 28-year-old lead singer of Incubus, was arrested Wednesday for carrying a switchblade in his bag while trying to board a plane at New York's LaGuardia Airport. Boyd was charged with criminal possession of a weapon and allowed to proceed to Raleigh, N.C., for a concert. "I totally forgot it was at the bottom of my bag," he later said, "and when the security person pulled it out, I thought, 'Oh, no.'" Ah, kids today.... read more

LIFE STINKS

Not everything ABC touches turns to gold this season. Case in point: Thursday's premiere of the sex-obsessed teen drama Life as We Know It attracted an anemic 4.2 million viewers. How bad is that exactly? It got beat by UPN's WWE Smackdown. I'd say that's pretty bad. read more

GAG ORDER

Survivor's hunky FBI agent Brady Finta — who got the boot on Thursday's episode — won't be making the typical media rounds like all the other castaways. According to the New York Post, Finta's FBI bosses disapproved of his Survivor stint and have forbidden him from speaking to the press — including TV Guide Online. All we were gonna ask him was if he ever met Mulder and Scully. read more

PHEW!

Britney Spears formalized her marriage to dancer Kevin Federline on Thursday. "All the proper paperwork was dealt with," her rep tells Reuters. "It's all legal." But just as Brit was solidifying one relationship, she was ending another. After nine years together, the "Toxic" pop star and longtime manager Larry Rudolph have parted ways. In a statement, Rudolph said, "Britney and I simply realized that we have done all we can do together." And if you don't believe him, rent Crossroads and fast-forward to the scene where Brit recites the lyrics to "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" to Mount. read more

AILING

Melissa Etheridge has been diagnosed with breast cancer and has scrapped her upcoming tour to undergo treatment. In a statement, the 43-year-old rocker — who just inked a sitcom deal with ABC — said the cancer was "caught early" and she is "looking forward to a quick and full recovery." read more

JUST DESSERTS

Martha Stewart (aka Prisoner No. 55170-054) began serving her five-month sentence at West Virginia's "Camp Cupcake" Friday morning. According to a prison rep, the domestic diva was subjected to a strip search on arrival and had to squat and cough hard to check for hidden contraband. All they found was a pinch of rosemary, a dash of thyme and dollop of cr&#232me fra&#238che. read more

LAST COMIC CANNED

NBC has finally put Last Comic Standing out of its misery, canceling the show just one week before its finale. Back-to-back episodes of Father of the Pride will air this Tuesday in its place. It remains unclear how NBC plans to announce the winner of Comic to the 16 people who have been watching. read more

MUST-SEE TV?

Michael Moore is thisclose to inking a deal with pay-per-view giant In Demand to bring Fahrenheit 9/11 to television on Nov. 1 — one night before the big election. According to Variety, The Michael Moore Pre-Election Special will consist of a screening of Fahrenheit 9/11 bookended by interviews with "politically committed" celebrities who'll discuss the charges leveled in the movie and the importance of voting. The three-hour anti-Dubya extravaganza will cost $9.95 and every purchase comes with a package of Ramen noodles, a pair of slightly used boxer briefs and a Clorox Bleach Pen. read more

Joey So Joey's an understudy in...

Joey
So Joey's an understudy in three ridiculously different plays. And they all need him to perform tonight. Three? At once?! Riiiight. There are comical situations. And there's just stupid stuff. Also not working in tonight's episode... Joey's agent. She used to be annoying in a funny way. But tonight she was just annoying.

TV nerd note: Ross, I mean, David Schwimmer directed this episode!

The Day After Tomorrow DVD commercial
Oh, I'd forgotten the unintentional hilarity that was this summer blockbuster. When Dennis Quaid says, "Stay warm! I will come for you." I hear "Stay alive! I will find you." And I it makes me laugh every time.

Drew Carey's Green Screen Show
Let's face it: The WB's not even trying to get into the game with this one. I mean, really. Improv in front of a special-effects screen? It's a cool idea in theory... for a Saturday morning. But not on a Thursday night. P read more

Survivor Handyman Gets Nailed


Last week, Survivor: Vanuatu shook up the game by forcing both tribes to vote someone out. So although the Lopevi guys won the immunity challenge — and John K. earned individual immunity — they essentially lost. That was hammered home when the weaker dudes cut yet another strong player: Home Depot employee John Palyok. (Meanwhile, the Yasur girls ousted Mia.) Here, the 31-year-old studpuppy from sunny California tells TV Guide Online about his short stay.

TV Guide Online: You work at Home Depot.
John Palyok:
Yes, I bleed orange.

TVGO: Did your handy skills come in, well, handy on the island?
John:
As soon as I said Home Depot, everyone just assumed, "He's the engineer. He can start constructing things. Let him build the shelter, and he can start the fire and stuff like that." I was the fix-it-all person, which may or may not have hurt me.

TVGO: How'd you feel about the battle of the sexes read more

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