Top 5 Curb Quotes from "Club Soda and Salt"
Cheryl Hines and Larry David
August 16, 2010 on TV Guide Network
September 29, 2002 on HBO
Recurring themes in this episode?
Larry hates rules of social etiquette, Cheryl flirts with another guy and Larry acts like he's cool with it, Larry misses his opportunity to have sex, Larry gets into a physical conflict.
5. "Y'know, I'm thinking I'm gonna go out and get a heterosexual single woman to golf with me..."
Larry is jealous of Cheryl's new tennis partner, Brad. Larry takes the observation of Cheryl's new friendship to its logical extent. When Harry Met Sally covered the argument "Can men and women be friends?" Chris Rock dealt with it in his 1996 special Bring the Pain: "Women have platonic men friends. Men just have women they haven't f**ked YET."
Larry sniffed out this Brad from Jump Street. He knows Brad's game. Larry knows he's punching above his weight class with a woman like Cheryl so immediately he's on guard. He's an expert. Rather than get defensive, Larry presents the perfect counter argument.
4. "We never bought them a wedding gift and it's been over a year..."
People expect too much at their weddings. Help yourself to a few episode of Bridezilla for proof of the demented expectations people have for their weddings.
I went to 9 weddings last year. 9! Worst economy ever and I packed up and shipped out on nine separate occasions. Weddings are always fun though each presents a new and interesting drama. Ever been to the wedding where everyone knows the groom is gay except for the bride? That's always fun. Also, one of my friends attended a wedding with a cash bar recently. He was floored. He took matters into his own hands- got TurboDrunk, sang with the band, even helped himself to a touch of cake before the bride and groom cut it. Yes, it was an a-hole move but so was asking people to fly across the country then charging them for drinks.
That being said, the one year rule for wedding gifts seems a little suspect. Larry and Cheryl just dropped $300 on wine and this couple refused out of principle? What's wrong with you? The length of time during which you can get the couple a gift should be as long as they're still married.
3. "I saw this thing at the restaurant today! Club soda and salt! You're gonna be amazed!"
Larry misses his opportunity to get laid. Cheryl was clearly putting out the vibe. Reminiscent of the first season when Larry promises to always be open to Cheryl's advances then spurs her the first time she tries. No coffee for you, LD, coffee is for closers.
2. "Thin people know more about food than fat people..."
Wow. Larry couldn't be more right. Jeff is dead wrong. Fat people lose discretion on what they are eating. Thin people are more careful, more selective. More likely to know what is actually good rather than what comes in gigantic portions. It's the classic quality vs. quantity argument. It's a volume issue.
Here's proof that Jeff's off-base: go to any amusement park in America and look around. Do the people in the 5XL t-shirts look like Foodies?
I should know because I was a gigantic fat kid. When I finished 8th grade, I was 240lbs. I wore red all the time and everyone in my neighborhood called me "Red Delicious." Even though I'd never eat fruit on purpose. Why would anyone eat fruit after God invented Skittles? I was 5'10" and probably a full C-cup. To put it in perspective, now 8 inches taller but 20lbs. lighter.
So I agree with Larry.
1. "Look at me! I will kick your ass right now!"
Larry is about to get his ass kicked. Again.
Evolutionary biology supposes that in every pack of animals, there is an alpha. The alpha wolf eats first. It leads the other dogs because it bravely hunts. Larry is the omega wolf; eats last, happy to have other people do the heavy lifting, lives by his wits. Larry David: Omega Wolf.
Sarah Silverman's sister, Laura, plays a store clerk who had it out with Larry earlier while he was trying to browse. Larry accused her of following him around the store. She denied it. When Larry just happened to be taking the same route home behind her, she called the police on Larry. While at dinner with Jeff, Cheryl and Brad, Laura's husband confronts Larry.
When Laura's husband knocks in to Larry's shoulder, Larry spills his red wine all over Cheryl's chest. Brad springs in to action with the club soda and salt. Pouring club soda all over Cheryl's chest then gently pawing at her chest under the guise of rubbing in the salt. Larry's wife went to middle school second base in front of him with a guy she has kind of been flirting with. Larry David: Omega Wolf.