Dear Santa,

As I'm sure you've noticed, I've been extra special good this year, even taking on some of your work load ... by stuffing as many stockings as I can. So it's with great admiration and what I'm sure is mutual respect that I humbly submit to you my Christmas list for this year. And bro, if you have a sec, wake me up — I'd really like to talk to you about how you sneak out of so many women's houses undetected. I'm good, but I'm not that good.

Happy Holidays,
Barney Stinson

P.S. I left you a glass of twelve-year-old single malt. Milk? Let's get serious, bro.