Ask Ausiello

Ausiello: I'm back! What'd I miss?! Is the strike over? Was the Gilmore Girls movie greenlit? Did I get any memorable shout-outs in the blogosphere?

Ausiello: Interesting. Unfortunately, I can't verify that rumor's authenticity. What I can verify is that someone — and a major someone at that — wants to be discharged from Seattle Grace, and STAT. But, as far as I can tell, that someone is not Sandra Oh.

Ausiello: No, hence the "delayed indefinitely" thing. The good news is that I hear Shonda Rhimes has every intention of shoe-horning Pacey into Seattle Grace (and Cristina's bed) the second the strike is over.

Ausiello: USC trounced Illinois in the Rose Bowl — an ass-whipping I bore witness to live from the 20-yard line (thanks for the tix, Pam!) — and ended the season as the unofficial national champions (sorry, LSU). Yeah, I'd say my New Year's was a lot of fun. Regarding Lost, yeah, I know a thing or two or three about the new season. Anything specific you guys wanna know?

Ausiello: Yes, but I have to be very careful how I dole out this particular spoiler, because it concerns a pretty jaw-dropping twist — even by Lost standards. Let's see… Jaters will be aflutter when Kate shows romantic interest in future Jack, but it turns out there's another special person in her life already — someone *** *** ** *** *****, *** ****'* **** a ******.

Ausiello: Unfortunately, I'm hearing there's nothing major going on in the Juliet-Jack universe in the first four episodes — unless you consider "heaps of subtext" to be major. (Hint: You may want to rewind to the Season 3 finale and figure out who initiated that smooch.) 

Ausiello: Mine, too. Docartz.com does all the work so we don't have to. In addition to providing pretty detailed explanations of all the individual parts, it supplies answers to the daily brainteasers and offers theories as to how they might fit into the bigger picture.

Ausiello: Sure doesn't. The first episode will be preceded by an hour-long recap special, hence the "two-hour" premiere.

Ausiello: Without further adieu, I present you with a newly updated and augmented (Moonlight! NCIS! Law & Order!) Strike Countdown Chart! Cue the balloon drop!

Ausiello: If by "better" you mean "worse," than, yes, it gets better. A lot better.

Ausiello: Note to Supernatural fans: Simmer. Donna. Yes, Supernatural is handing its time slot over to Reaper beginning Feb. 28, but that's only because Supernatural will have run out of fresh episodes by then (on Feb. 21, to be exact). So relax before you give yourselves a frakkin' coronary.

Ausiello: Tonight's "season" finale is, in the words of TVGuide.com's Megan Cherkezian (who I loaned my screener to), "soooooo juicy." That's six Os, people! Per MC, there's a breakup, a much-anticipated profession of love, a much-anticipated brawl and an attempted escape. 

Ausiello: I will neither confirm nor deny that Blair is with child. What I can confirm is that by the end of the episode, Blair loses her Queen Bee crown as a result of a humiliating scandal. 

Ausiello: Sorry, but LG has an airtight alibi: She doesn't remember who I am.

Ausiello: Good news: The winter premiere of the Ausiello Report — featuring a resolution to the "Who Shot Me!" cliff-hanger — is now playing via this link! Prepare to be shocked senseless. It's an ending I guarantee no one saw coming.

Ausiello: Just Riggins' luck, right? He does the right thing and he still catches hell for it. So. Not. Fair. Fortunately, in this week's episode, Coach learns what was really going down with his not-so-innocent offspring on that fateful night. A tense father-daughter kerfuffle follows shortly thereafter.

Ausiello: I'll say this: There's a scene between Coach and Riggins in this Friday's four-star episode that will have you bawling like a newborn that hasn't pooped in a week. Oh, and a female character leaves town for good.

Ausiello: Nice try, but I'm not playing your little process-of-elimination games anymore. I've narrowed the field too much as it is. Seriously, stop trying. I'm not caving this time.

Ausiello: It's not Waverly. D'oh!

Ausiello: Listened to it, actually. I got tired of trying to pronounce all those big fancy words, so I had our copy editor Michelle Heller read/interpret it for me. She assures me that a "fey Tuscan truffle pig" is a delicacy in some countries, but I'm not buying it. I think she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. BTW, I have to take a moment to thank the Aushole community for the outpouring of love and support they've shown me in the wake of Baitzgate. Your compassionate, insightful and sympathetic e-mails were a ray of sunshine during a very gloomy week. What follows are some of your more memorable messages.

Ausiello: Thanks, Moljessam. That means a lot coming from you.

Ausiello: You forgot "marginally literate," Ashlyn. And for that, I love you.

Ausiello: Lovely but oh-so-misunderstood.

Ausiello: This ol' thing? Nah. You think? Get out. Really? OMG, I'm blushing.

Ausiello: That's the spirit, Don. Try to guess the newly minted movie starlet whose scathing remarks about her own character in a very popular recent film probably just cost her a nomination for a major award. How's that? Get this: The ballots for the prize were dropped in the mail around the same time the publication containing her rant hit newsstands. And from what I hear, voters figured, if she wasn't going to support what she did, why should they? Got guesses? Post 'em in the Ask Ausiello Discussion Thread!

Ausiello: Leading lady knocked up for real.

Ausiello: Armageddon resumes Tuesday, Feb. 12, at 10 pm/ET, and here's some fresh intel: We pick up four weeks after the New Bern attack. There's a new leader in town (hint: he looks a lot like Lt. Tony Rodriguez from NYPD Blue) and he offers Jake a position he may not be able to refuse. Elsewhere, a familiar face returns to Jericho with new intel on the outside world, Hawkins takes a surprise meeting that could impact the future of the entire country, and Stanley receives a surprising proposal. As for Constantino… he best sleep with one eye open.

Ausiello: Depends. If you're planning to include a cash bribe, apply directly to Mr. Ausiello. Otherwise, go through HR.

Ausiello: Still no official start date. Originally I was hearing March, but now it looks more like early summer. On the scoop front, brace yourself for a midseason twist that's so big it requires 25 asterisks: ******* is *** *** **** ***** *o **.

Ausiello: CBS has just scheduled the final pre-strike episode for Feb. 6, and I can confirm that it contains some serious Danny-Lindsay action — but not of the nookie-nookie variety. They work a case together, but it's all kept very professional.

Ausiello: This is an easy one: I'm more anxious. Trust me. As far as a date, it's slated to "street" on Feb. 26 — three days after a certain spoiler whore's birthday. Do I have to draw you a map from my Amazon wish list to your shopping cart? 'Cause I will.

Ausiello: Depends. If you're planning to offer a cash bribe, yes. Otherwise… well, let's cross that bridge if we come to it, k?

Ausiello: Well, either Marc Cherry is a closeted Aushole, or he's fed up with them as well. In Monday's USA Today, he told reporter Will Keck that he's considering downsizing Lynette's demonic progeny. "I will probably do a storyline about one of the women, probably Lynette, dealing with the death of a child because I think it's one of the saddest things that can happen to a human being." Except in this one instance. 

On that very tasteful note, the first AA of '08 comes to a close. Under normal circumstances, I'd take this moment to shamelessly plug my red-carpet coverage at this Sunday's Golden Globes, but, as you've no doubt heard, the frakkin' thing's been called off. First press tour, now this. The whole world has gone mad, I tell ya, mad. Eh, let's look on the bright side: Everything hasn't been canceled. There's still my vodcast. And my blog. And the AA tipline. Use 'em, abuse 'em, and, most importantly, happy 2008! It's all uphill from here I pray.

— Additional reporting by Megan Cherkezian