Ask Ausiello

Ausiello: As anyone with an Ausiello Report bookmark can tell you, I had a smorgasbord of Lost goodies just waiting for you the moment the end credits started to roll on last Wednesday's pants-crapping finale. (Truth be told, I had the story up a few seconds before the end credits, but that's our little secret, K?) Of course, being the multiplatform slut that I am, I saved a few tasty morsels from my exclusive interview with Carlton Cuse for this week's AA — including a bit of scoop about the return of two major characters in '08. "The four-toed statue is something we will get to next season," Cuse revealed. "Sometimes we're surprised by the things people get fixated on. We tried to answer a fair number of questions this year, but that's one we just didn't get to." Benry's barely visible boss man will also be back, he confirms. "There will definitely be a lot more of Jacob in Season 4."

Ausiello: Haven't we been over this? I'm their bitch; you're their hussy. Get it straight.

Ausiello: Yeah, well, some would say the damage had already been done. As many of you know, a very detailed synopsis of Lost's season finale — rattlesnake included — was leaked onto a certain spoilery website about two weeks ago. And like some kind of evil cyber-terrorist plot, the link quickly found its way onto Lost message boards far and wide. Luckily, many of you heeded my warning to steer clear of all rattlesnake-related spoilers. I only wish I had had such restraint. As awesome as the finale was, it would've been that much cooler had I not known that Jack was flashing forward. (Unlike many of you, I never would've picked up on the Razr phone. I'm just not that bright.)

Ausiello: Not yet, but it sounds like an investigation is under way. "Disney security is trying to establish a full and complete list of all of the people through whose hands the show passed," said Cuse, who admits "it's incredibly frustrating" that the secret got out, even if the number of people who had the twist spoiled is miniscule when compared to Lost's overall viewership. "We did everything we felt we could do. There were only four copies of the rattlesnake that were distributed. Damon had a copy, I had a copy, Jack Bender the director had a copy, and Jean Higgins the producer had a copy. We even sent someone to [ABC president] Steve McPhersen's office with the pages. He read them and then they were taken away and returned to our office. I think it got out during the post-[production] process, because that's when it broke [on the Web]. The finale is like a feature film, but as opposed to having six or eight months to do the post on it, we do it in about three weeks. As a result, multiple copies of the show are circulating to various people who do everything from sound design to color timing to visual effects. So it's kind of out there, and it's hard to say where it got spoiled from. Unfortunately, it might not even be somebody who works on the show. It could be somebody who plucked it off the desk of somebody who was somehow involved in the show." Cuse said he was heartened by the "backlash among the loyal fans of the show against these spoiler posters. I think once people realized what was being spoiled, they were very upset. That's why we work really hard to try to keep the show from getting spoiled, because I think it really does diminish your ability to enjoy having the revelations land on you while you're watching it. It's analogous to going to see Sixth Sense and having somebody tell you what the twist is at the end of the movie."

Ausiello: I tried to get an answer out of Greg, but he's not budging. All he'll say is the audience shouldn't "assume anything" about Matt's fate. He then added, "This will be the hardest secret I have ever had to keep during a hiatus." Harder than whether Felicity ended up spending the summer of '99 with Ben or Noel? Hard to believe.

Ausiello: TV Guide will let me out, but will you guys? I came home from my last vacation to a huge stack of hate mail and a half-dozen bomb threats. It's gotten so bad I've had to curtail my midday Tasti runs.

Ausiello: You had me at "spin and weave," David. Would you be willing to supply the clothes for free in exchange for a mention at the end of my vodcast? Let me know ASAP. (Eat your heart out, Penguin!)

Ausiello: Gone? Gone!? Hardly. As I reported last week, there's a chance that both Gilmore and VM could live on as a TV-movie and a feature film, respectively. Worse-case scenario, nothing pans out and the MIA Network snatches them up. But the bottom line is, as long as I have a column to spread fake buzz in, Gilmore and VM will live on. As will House, which wrapped up its third season last night with a major staff shake-up — and executive producer Katie Jacobs is promising big changes. "Next season will be different," she told USA Today. "We're not saying who is coming back and who is not, just that it'll look very different."

Ausiello: Big news in this week's Ausiello Report vodcast on that very subject!

Ausiello: I watched the pilot over the holiday weekend, and I'm relieved to report that it's much better than the limp trailer we were treated to during upfronts week. Parker Posey and Lauren Ambrose are every bit the dream team I had hoped they would be, and AS-P's dialogue is predictably snappy. My only complaint is the awkwardly integrated laugh track. It's no laughing matter.

Ausiello: Only what my colleague Matt Mitovich told you last week in his news blog: Producers have put out a casting call for Michael's new Panamanian cell mate — a wrongfully imprisoned fisherman.

Ausiello: No, you'll teach your daughter all the ways of the Smurfs because it's the right thing to do.

Ausiello: (Spoiler alert) Nicollette Sheridan is not leaving Desperate Housewives.

Ausiello: While I can't tell you what (if anything) will happen with P.J. and Brendo in the wake of their cliff-hanging kiss, I can tell you a little something about the rest of the gang. First off, when the show returns in late July, Kenny will get a girlfriend — but, alas, it will only be temporary. Also, Mike will make a career move after a stressful stint with yoga. And a secret about Bobby will be revealed when the guys finally see the inside of his apartment.

Ausiello: I just finished watching the first five episodes of Season 2 and, unless I'm misreading the warning signs, Bill is totally on the verge of committing adultery. If a guy with three wives can't remain faithful, what hope is there for anyone else?

Ausiello: According to someone very close to the show, we may not see everyone coming back. "Nothing is certain yet," says my spy, who predicts that "things will be very different" when the show returns at mid-season set four years into the future.

Ausiello: Well, she crossed the first hurdle: She made it onto our Dream Emmy Ballot!

Ausiello: Producers have gone on the record saying that CTU will most likely be MIA next season, which has me a little worried about Chloe. Adding to my anxiety is their decision to treat Mary Lynn Rajskub like a glorified extra this past season.

Ausiello: My guess? It's someone we haven't met yet.

Ausiello: Good question! Lucky for you, Tim Kring's got an answer — although he admits it's one with a "very tiny window of logic."

Ausiello: Poor Joy? What about me?! What am I going to watch every night during dinner now that Rosie's gone?

Ausiello: Trust me, the complaints have not fallen on deaf ears. Major improvements are coming. I promise.

Ausiello: No, but thanks for reminding everyone to go vote for me at peta.org! As you'll recall, despite my best efforts to rock last year's vote, I placed a disappointing third behind Prince and Joaquin Phoenix. I'm not really interested in being publicly humiliated two years in a row, so please, if you have an ounce of humanity in you, take two seconds and check off my name on the ballot. PETA just put out a press release announcing that Milo Ventimiglia has taken an early lead, so we've got our work cut out for us. The polls close in a few short weeks, so hurry up!

Ausiello: I think you mean da bomb. Please tell me you mean da bomb.

Ausiello: No. Didn't I already say it was a show I've given a lot of ink to? I don't recall saying one word about Carpooler. What good is a hint if you're just going to ignore it? Seriously.

Ausiello: My pleasure. BTW, can you believe the nerve of Brian calling the show "done"?

Ausiello: Not true.

Ausiello: If that were really true, you'd still be over there mass voting instead of here telling me about it.

OK, on that note, another AA has come to a satisfying conclusion. What's that, you say? Cue the housekeeping notes? You got it! Head on over to the Ask Ausiello Discussion Thread to debate the merits of this week's column; check out the latest installment of my Ausiello Report vodcast to find out when and where you can see Veronica Mars kicking ass in the FBI; send questions/hot tips/Keri Russell sightings to ask_ausiello@tvguide.com; and keep close tabs on the Ausiello Report throughout the week for breaking tube news, blind items and other stuff. And then come back here next week and we'll do it all again! — Additional reporting by Danielle Dornfeld